Mi Estrella
by Mjzell
Summary: Apathy. That one word describes how I felt about everything, but there's something about him that just destroys the apathy in me. I want to love him; he makes me want to love him. But I'm afraid of loving him, afraid of what could happen to us. Kyle/Kenny
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first Kenny x Kyle story ever, so I hope you like it! If people do then I might continue it, if not... then it's just going to be a oneshot. Mi Estrella means My Star in Spanish. Just if you wondered.**

**I don't own South Park or any of it's characters.**

**It is in Kenny's POV.**

* * *

I think after so long I just stopped caring about everything.

I stopped caring that Cartman and almost every other person in this shit hole town thought because I was so poor, they could pay me for an easy lay. Hell, it's probably true.

I stopped caring that Stan hated me so fucking much, that he couldn't even stand being in the same room as me. I guess I had that one coming after I got his girlfriend pregnant.

I stopped caring about school, how I looked, the fact I hardly got to eat, or that no one looked at me like I was really a person. To them all, I was just an object. A poor broken and beaten toy for them to play with.

If you don't live in this town, and you don't know how things work here, then you'll probably be feeling pity for me right now. Don't. Pity is worse then the million different kinds of deaths I had to go through when I was younger. It's true that I'm a nobody, it's true I'm a whore, and it's true that one day everyone I know will leave me to rot in this fucking town.

Isn't life great?

* * *

I sighed as a gust of smoke left my mouth, floating up to the sky. It was a really nice night, and if there wasn't the pounding beat of music spilling from the house behind me, it would have been peaceful too. Right now I was sitting on the back porch at Stan's house, trying to escape from the crazy party that was going on inside. Things were fine, until the alcohol came out. If you've ever had it, you would know that enough of the shit can make people do some fucked up stuff.

Taking another puff from the cigarette in my hand, I leaned against the railway while closing my eyes. Blocking out all the noises, I let my thoughts drift. Why did I even come to Stan's party? It's no secret he absolutelyhates me. Plus, these parties always either make me feel invisible or like a hooker when drunk girls and guys come to me looking for sex. I never refuse them either. It's always quick, messy and full of fake pleasures and emotions. I've never fell in love with anyone, and no one has fell for me either. We all just use each other. Sex is easy. Looking at the person in the mirror after words isn't.

Kyle told me once that I do it because it makes me feel noticed. Like I'm not a nobody. Maybe he's right, but I try not to think about that much. Something about it makes me feel funny and sad at the same time. He's tried to make me stop, and for all he knows I have. That's not the truth though, and I don't know how he misses it again and again. Why I lie to him is another question too. What about Kyle makes me not want him to be disappointed or sad?

"Kenny?" Speak of the devil...

I turned around to see Kyle's bouncy red curls appear out onto the deck. He had ditched his dorky green hat a few years back, letting his hair finally be free from its prison. Since then they had curled down into spirals, curving around his face making it look small and pretty. Wait... did I say pretty? Um, I meant nice. Ya...

He plopped down beside me stealing my cigarette and throwing it somewhere in Stan's lawn. Then he turned towards me questioning, "What are you doing out here? It's fucking freezing out."

His slight shivering form only reinforced his comment. I hadn't noticed before, but now that he had mentioned it, I could feel the cold seeping through my thin-bare orange parka. I must have drank one too many of those beers before...

I shrugged before replying, "I just needed to get away from all that, you know?" I waved towards the house slightly. He gave me a puzzled look with those bright green eyes, "No I don't, Kenny. Come on back inside, ok? Stop being so serious and have some fun with us." He started tugging me towards the house, and I fought only a second before giving in. I never have won an argument with Kyle, and I doubt I ever will.

Soon enough, I was back into the tightly packed crowd all dancing to the same beat, with all there eyes filled with the same drunken lust as they grinded whoever was closest to them. All the songs, dances, and drinks blurred into one big messy picture. I smiled, laughed, flirted, danced and played my role perfectly. The poor boy, the flirt, the sex demon, call me whatever you wanted and I would be it. No one cared what I truly was like, or what I was feeling.

Somehow, I found myself back on the deck with a pounding head and an aching body. I ruffled my blonde hair with a sigh, grasping at blurry memories. I was drinking with Butters and then... Blank. I wonder what kind of mess I made this time.

Right about then, I noticed how quiet it was. Turning around, I noticed that the house was dark and that there was no one around. Fuck how long have I been out here...

The click of the door opening surprised me, and for one second I was hoping that it was Kyle again. I was disappointed when I came to face Stan.

He looked at me strangely before letting out a slurred cry, "Keennee! There you aree! I waz lookin' for youuu." He smiled brightly before lifting me up to my feet. Stan had mutured a lot since we were little. He had gotten taller and pulled out strong muscles from no where. He was one of the best players on the football team, and was basically Mr. Popular.

He ended up dragging me into his house while blubbering on about nothing, before crashing on the first couch we found. I just raised an eyebrow, before deciding to start heading home.

The worst part about South Park, is that it was always fucking cold and wet. Whether wet meant snow, rain, hail, or sleet. It's two times worse when your poor and don't have warm clothes or a heater in your house. Ya, I love good old South Park.

Even though it was cold and snowy, it was still a beautiful night. I stared up at the silver stars as I walked along the side walk. The only sound was my feet slapping against the icy ground and my breathe. I hardly ever had moments like this, moments were I was calm and happy. Where no one was screaming at me for being so worthless or people pretending to like me for something. Sometimes I felt like the night sky, I was there but hardly anyone ever looked up to appreciate it.

My name being called broke me out of my thoughts. I glanced back to see Kyle sliding down the sidewalk towards me. I waved before waiting so he could catch up to me, so he could smile at me like I was a real person and looking at me when I talked like he cared. Those little things just seem to brighten up my world. They make me actually care about things for a while.

Ya, life is pretty great.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok, here is chapter 2! Please read and leave a review, because other wise I'm not sure if I should continue this at all. Other then that, I hope you like it!**

**By the way, I'm sorry that my chapters are kind of short. I'll try to write them longer from here on out, but it's kind of hard for me. I'm just so used to writing short chapters.**

**I still don't own South Park... :(**

* * *

Mornings are the fucking torture gift from Satan himself. Especially when waking up for those mornings means going to another day in the hell hole they call school. Returning to new taunts, lusty filled rooms and being bored out of your mind. Oh, how I _love _high school.

The blaring of my alarm clock forced me into the land of the living. I untangled myself from the snake like grip of the bed-sheets, before stumbling towards the dresser where the noise originated from.

"God, where the fuck is that little fucker..." I mumbled while trying to find the alarm clock that I shoved in one of the drawers. Last week I had the brilliant idea of putting it in my dresser so it wouldn't make as much noise. Well, seeing as I was drunk of my ass when I thought of that, it didn't work so well...

Opening the last drawer, I found the shit head that had been making every nine months of each year hell for me. "Ah, HA!" I exclaimed as I slammed my hand down on the snooze button. Silence filled the room instantly. Aw, pure bliss...

"KENNY, GET YOUR SKINNY LITTLE ASS DOWN HERE!", Kevin roared from down stairs. Don't you just love brothers?

I let out a tired "Coming!" before grabbing some clothes from my closet. I had grown out of my orange parka in middle school, and that was about the time I started to sell of my body. New clothes cost money, and since no one in this town would hire me for real work, sex was the only way I got that money. Call me a whore if you want, but then again your probably the person paying me for my business. Who's the whore now?

Even though I would get some money from that, it still wasn't a lot. So ya, I could buy myself some clothes, but usually they were already used and had holes in random places. I missed my old parka though, and so the last time I had enough money to buy another one, I did. I didn't wear it all the time, but it was still comforting to have it around.

Quickly getting ready I was half way down the hall when I ran past my reflection. I stopped, caught off guard at the person I was seeing.

I try not to look in mirrors too much. Not because I'm ugly or some shit like that, but because I hate to see the person I've become. At first I see a handsome blond boy with messy hair and dark blue eyes, but after a second I see some one else. I see who I promised I would never become when I was younger. I was what everyone called me and I hated myself for it. I knew why I did it, but I still couldn't stand it.

I shuddered and turned away from the mirror to continue running down the stairs to joining my family. The second I was in the living room, a burnt pop-tart was thrown at me and I was being pushed out the door with a tired kiss from my mom and some half assed good byes from the rest of my family. I glanced at the clock before the door was slammed in front of my face. Damn it, I was going to be late for the bus!

Don't get me wrong, I don't care a shit about school and being late for it. But it's not really on my top ten wants list to walk three miles to school in the snow, getting frost bit toes. Ya, been there done that, and it's not so fun.

I was praying under my breath that the bus hadn't left yet, and as I turned the corner I was reworded with the sight of a giant yellow monstrosity. Sure, it was starting to drive away but I could catch up with it before it did. Well, hopefully I could.

Sprinting as fast as I could towards the bus, I was almost to the door when I slipped on a patch of ice that had been hidden under a pile of snow. I fell flat on my face with an ugly crack ringing in the air. Blood started gushing out of my nose as soon as I sat up. Cursing out loud, I watched as the bus kept going forward leaving me behind to walk to school myself.

Today was seriously not my day.

* * *

By the time I got to school, an hour had already passed. I ran through my head all the excuses I could use before deciding on just trying to slip into my next class without being noticed. Shouldn't be too hard, right? The teachers didn't really care a rat's ass about us, they wanted to be free of us as much as we wanted to be free of them too.

I only had to wait about five minutes before the bell rang, signaling the next class. I was walking to the art room, when some one grabbed onto the back of my hair and pulled **hard**.

"OW! What the hell..." I whipped around to beat the crap out of who ever pulled my hair, but I stopped when I noticed it was just Kyle. I should have guessed. Kyle was the only one who dared pulling my hair, either 'cuz he thought I wouldn't dare hitting him or he was just stupid enough to try it.

He frowned at me and I could tell right away that he was going to start one of his famous lectures. I sighed quietly as he rattled, "Kenny! Where the fuck were you! I know you are usually a little late, but you completely skipped this time! You were supposed to be my partner for the history project, remember? But nooo, you had to skip and leave me to do all the fucking work!" He started poking my chest and I just rolled my eyes while turning to continue walking to my art class. I crossed my figures hoping Kyle would just give up and go bother Stan.

The thudding of his footsteps crushed my hopes. "Kenny! Don't you dare ignore me!." I turned around slowly and decided I really didn't want to listen to more of his rants. Kyle was a great friend and usually a blast to hang around, but GOD he could be such a girl sometimes. You better not dare tell him I said that though.

"Kyle, I missed the bus, ok? No need to go PMS'ing on me. I won't be late next time, promise." I smiled blankly at him, knowing that I would probably be late next time too. But as long as he stopped bitching at me...

He glared suspiciously at me, but eventually decided that he would trust me this time. "You better not be. If you are, I'm going to make you do all the work next time!" He yelled that over his shoulder as he walked away to his next class. Kyle was way to easy to lie to. I could probably do it in my sleep, hell I probably have already!

The warning bell rang and I rushed into the classroom with a group of the other kids. I managed to sneak into a spot at the back of the room, without the teacher catching that I hadn't been in my first class. Well, that was ridiculously easy. Next time I definitely have to make it more tricky...

I made myself comfortable in my seat, ready to try and wait out another boring day at South Park.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ok, this isn't at all what I had planned for this chapter. Originally, I had tortured Kenny more, but seeing as I had done enough of that in the first two chapters, I decided to leave him alone this time. Um, not much happens in this chapter, it's mostly just a little inside look at school for Kenny and setting up for later chapters.**

**Thank you sooo much Oye mi Canto for reviewing and favorting my story! I'm glad that you like it. :)**

**I think everyone would get it by now that I DON'T own South Park. So I'm going to stop saying that from now on.**

**Please read and review everyone! Reviews = a happy me which = me writing a lot which = chapters coming out faster. Ya... :3**

* * *

The day was dragging on forever, until finally it was lunch time. Everyday it was the same for lunch. Stan came and sat with our group even though he hated me and Cartman (who doesn't hate him though?), just so that he could be with his best butt buddy.

Did I mention that I hate them like that? I know that I should be used to it by now, they've been like that since elemetry school, but lately it just pisses me off. Maybe it's because I don't have a super best buddy too... Stupid faggy friends rubbing their gayness off on me...

"Ey! Kenneh! You listen poo' boy!" Cartman spit into my face. Ugh, nasty. Hopefully I don't get fat genes from him, and I don't mean the pair he's wearing either.

"What, Cartman?" I sighed trying to hide my disgust back. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not doing such a great job of it either.

He munched on his mystery meat filled hamburger while yelling, "Well, the other da', I decided that all Jews are disgustin' vile-" Right about then Kyle exploded, "Shut up, you stupid fat ass!"

I hid an amused smile behind my hand as the fight continued on. This happened almost everyday so it was nothing serious. Kyle and Cartman would get in a fight, Stan would try to break it up and I would laugh quietly in the background. It had always been like this, them getting all the glory from the world as I stood in the background.

Kyle in fights was always pretty entertaining to watch. Seeing his inner fighting spirit breaking through the walls of his polite Jewish figure he had set up himself was interesting to watch. At the beginning he would try to ignore the taunts, which never lasted long, then a bit of his inner self would start to show through. He would add fuel to the fire with cusses back, but after a while his patience would snap and that's when the fists would come out. It was an unspoken law between Stan and I to stop the feud before that happened. I would calm down Cartman while Stan would do the same for Kyle. Because, even if Kyle could throw some strong punches, if he got under the tons of fat Cartman had... Ya, a flat Kyle isn't really a pretty image.

Noticing Kyle starting to lose it, I started my part. "Hey Cartman, leave Kyle alone." I laughed smacking him on the back. He shot me a glare and was about to retort before I cut him off, "You wouldn't want his Jew germs to get on you from all his words directed toward you, right?" Even thought that was total shit, Cartman gave me a thoughtful look before replying, "Very true, Kenneh. You can be kinda smart for a poo' boy." He continued chewing on his mystery burger without a word, and I smiled glad that I had calmed him down so easily.

It seemed Stan had done his job good too, because soon enough random conversation were sprouting from around the table and things were peaceful again. Well, as close as peaceful can get in our bat shit crazy group.

After a while, an actually worth while conversation popped up. Not so surprisingly it had come from the all so knowing Stan. He had been just drooling at his ex-girlfriend Wendy, when suddenly he snapped his head back towards us with an excited look. "Did you guys hear about the concert this weekend?" We all shook our heads waiting for him to continue. Without fail he was soon rattling on, "Well, I heard it's not to far away, only like a half and hour away or so. It's supposed to _really _cool with alcohol and hot girls coming too. All we got to do is sneak into it, and we will be dancing to rock music all night!"

We all whooped excitedly, before babbling on excited on how we all told how awesome we visualized it was going to be. It had been a long time since I had been to anything like that, since I was so fucking poor that I could only go when other people would take me. Last time I went I was only 8 and that was 8 years ago. So ya, I must seem a bit over excited, but you would be too if the last time you went to something like that was when you were a kid.

The shrill ringing of the bell made us split up with the promise that we would all meet up at Stan's house after school on Friday.

* * *

Sadly it was still only Thursday, leaving nothing to look forward to for after school. What was there to look forward to when going home meant being screamed at by my drunk dad, being beaten to hell by my brother and getting my hair pulled by my little sister as she tried unsuccessfullyto braid my hair? Ya, home sounded like _so _much fun to go back too.

Before you say anything, don't take any of what I said wrong. I love my family and house, no matter how fucked up they are. Only I am aloud to say shit about them, and if you do for even a second I will just tell you to go fuck yourself. Ya I'm a bitch, deal with it.

I day dreamed through the remainder of the school day, can't waiting to get out of there. Because no matter how bad home was, it was still better then being stuck in the evil clutches of school. At home you could plug earplugs into your ears and drown out the rest of the world by the music. Or you could stand outside a bar looking depressed until someone offered to buy you a beer. Ya, there was a lot of things you could do outside of school if you were creative enough. Inside school though there was nothing to do except sleep through the endless lectures from the teachers. Fun...

The end couldn't have come fast enough and I was attempting to zip out of the room when Butters stopped me at the door.

Butters had changed a lot since elementary school. Somewhere along the way he had grown a backbone and stopped taking all the shit people gave him. He mostly stopped his stutter too, and it only came out when he was really nervous or excited. Unknowingly, I started to become friends with him, and even though I was no where near as close to him as I was to the people in my group, it was still nice to hang around him sometimes too. He was a really optimistic person, and a few minutes with him left you with a little bounce in your step for some hours later.

"H-Hey Kenny!" Butters stuttered out. I smiled a hello before leaning on him a bit as I directed him towards my locker to get my back pack. He blushed a bit at how close we were and I laughed while saying, "There's no need to get all flustered Butters. I'm not gonna attack you or something." I just shook my head and chuckled as he became more flustered stammering out a string of non-understandable words trying to cover it up. After a few amusing minutes of watching him trying to stop stuttering, I put him out of his misarey by starting a new conversation.

"So, did you want to talk to me about something?" I asked as we walked towards the exit of the school. Butters instantly looked relieved at the change of subject. "I just wanted to know if you want to hang out at my house tonight. I know how you don't really like going home..." He trailed off looking at my face for an answer. I suppose going to Butter's could be fun in its own way...

I smirked and gave him a wink as I yelled over my shoulder, "Sure, as long as 'hanging out' doesn't mean trying to jump my bones every second you get." I left him standing behind me sputtering and blushing before he ran to catch up to me.

I don't like Butters like _that_, in case you're wondering. It's just to much fun to watch him get so embarrassed by the littlest comments. So ya, I was a jerk, but I'm not going to stop one of my sources of entertainment just so that you people feel better for Butters.

Just like I said before, with enough creativitythere was alot of great and enjoying things a person coulddo. One of those enjoying things for me just happens to be torturing Butters every chance I got. Lucky for me, I was probably going to get that chance alot tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry if there is any spelling mistakes, I tried to get them all but sometimes I miss them. Well, here is chapter 4! It's my longest one so far too. :3 Little bit of K2 coming up next chapter, just letting you know ahead of time.**

* * *

I didn't do anything to Butters while I was at his house. I swear! Well, I did tease him to the point where I thought he was going to die of embarrassment, but I didn't do stuff like _that _to him. I don't know, maybe it's because Butters reminds me of myself before I got so fucked up. Uh, a much more innocent and pure me but still. I wasn't going to be the one who took that away from him, because even if I am a jerk I'm not Cartman. I'm not gonna run around ruining every ones life on purpose so that I can laugh as the world turns to shit. Ya, that's Cartman's forte' and hobby, not mine.

It had been a while since I had relaxed and had fun with someone like that. Being around my group was always exciting and great, but it could be awkward and weird at times too. They were all so...bizare and hyped up, you know? They're was hardly ever a down time for us, where we could just hang out at some ones house and laugh at all the crazy shit we would do.

Butters and I drank so much Monster, (did I ever mention that I hate the taste of that crap?) we were bouncing off the walls for most of the night. We beat one of his video games five times, sledded down the stairs with a blanket, yowled at the neighbors cats until the neighbors threaten to kill us and tried to spit gum up to the ceiling while we laid on the floor, all in the same night. The sugar buzz ran out around 4 in the morning and I fell asleep on the floor almost immediately. Slept like a rock until Butters woke me up 3 hours later.

"Kenny! Wake up, wake up, wake up!" I groaned and rolled away from the annoying noise called Butters. No one should be so happy in the mornings, it _can't _be good for their health.

He poked at me repeatedly while screaming in my ear, "My bus is going to come soon and if you want to eat and stuff you need to get up now!" After a minute or so of him chiming that over and over, I turned towards him with the coldest glare I could muster so early.

He shrunk under my look while I growled sleepily, "If you don't stop, I'm going to punch you..." Nodding quickly, he got up and left the room shaking. Aw, silence...

When I was almost to the point of sleep again his alarm clock went off by my ear waking me with a jump. "Holy shit!" I yelped as I stared at the ugly ringing beast that was laughing with it's high pitched shrill. I swear that it was mocking me with it's shiny black numbers as it taunted me saying, "Hehe, I'm not gonna let you sleep! I'm not gonna let you sleep!"

Butters choseto walk in then as me and the hellish alarm clock were having a very important stare down. A funny look was sent my way as he shut off the alarm with an apology, "I forgot to shut it off, sorry." He continued to give me a strange look, and I suddenly felt a bit self conscious. "What? Is there something stuck between my teeth?"

He shook his head before laughing. "No, never mind. Well, I guess it's a good thing you woke up so we can go eat now and wait for the bus." He left saying that I could use whatever in the bathroom to get ready for the day. I changed into some spare clothes I brought and ran a hand tiredly through my hair. What was ahead of me today... Science test later, but there was no use studying because I would fail either way... Uh, partners with Kyle in History... Wait! Kyle...Stan... Concert!

Suddenly, I was excited for the day and I got ready really quick before bounding down the stairs to where Butters was making some breakfast for us. It wasn't much really, just some toast and fruit but it was still better then nothing. Yesterday it was a pleasant surprise to get a pop tart for breakfast, and today I'm getting more food! Yay, I'm living like a king!

I stole a piece of Butter's bread with a whistle while packing my school bag. Books? Check. Little bit of money for the concert? Check. Jewelry I stole from Butter's mom when she was asleep so that I could sell it on Ebay? Mmm, yup all there! Now I was ready for the evil S word place!

We munched on our food and chatted as we walked to the bus stop. We didn't have to wait very long before it pulled up and we pooled into it. We split up as soon as we stepped in so that he could hang out with his other friends and I would go sit by Cartman.

Truthfully, I would really rather sit by Kyle or Stan, but part of the super best butt buddies contract was being glued to the hip every chance they got. Which left me to sit by the fat boy and try to avoid being sprayed on when he talked. It also meant me hanging of the end of the seat as he took up the whole area. Not the most fun, but at least Kyle and Stan would sit right in front of us so that we could still talk. That was the first thing that happened as soon as I sat down.

Kyle whipped around excitedly babbling to me right away, "Oh, I'm so excited! I haven't ever gone to one before and I heard it's a famous band!" I laughed and felt myself getting pulled into his enthusiasm too. I nodded quickly before replying quickly, "I know right? I went to one when I was little, but still! That was only some small band and they weren't even that good." Cartman snorted beside me sticking his nose up into the air. "Ah don't know why you fags are so excited 'bout it. You probaly just wanna drool all ova' the guy band membas in their skinna jeans." I rolled my eyes before retorting, "You sure your not mistaking us for you?"

Before he could make a comeback, Stan had butted in eager to get his share in the conversation too. "Speaking about the band, have you heard..."

The rest of the ride was spent with Stan jabbering endlessly and us only half listening, nodding and laughing in the right places. Before long we were getting off the bus and splitting up to go to our separate classes.

* * *

I'm not going to even mention my day at school, because it was completely boring. Not a single thing happened that was worth mention. Well, except when I 'accidently' put the wrong ingredients in Craig's science experiment and it exploded in his face... Haha, that was fun... Until he decided to beat the shit out of me later, but it was still worth it.

Now we are all smashed together in Stan's blue Mustang driving to the concert, fighting over what music channel to have on. Kyle was stuck on pop, Stan and Cartman wanted rap, and I was fighting for rock songs. Not the heavy screaming metal crap, those ones make me want to stuff cotton in my ears. Eventually, the majority won so I was stuck listening to monotone singers go on and on about crap for an hour. I know that a lot of people like rap, but it's never really been my thing. Just my opinion, I won't try to shove it down your throat.

I couldn't have been gladder to get out of the car when we got there. Being crushed in the back seat by a fat ass who took all the room wasn't my favorite past time, but I could ignore that because of the fact of where we were.

The concert area was _huge_. Everything revolved around the stage, which was being set up as we speak. Even though we were about an hour early, it was packed full of people. Security guards guarded the entrance checking everyones ID to make sure they were over 18. Which was a problem... Seeing as we were all 16.

I swatted Stan getting his attention, talking as I pointed towards the guards. "Have a fake ID's for us Stan? Other wise, I don't know how we are going to get in." He rolled his eyes like I was asking a stupid question. "You think I would come here without a plan?" He snorted at me. "We just need a distraction so that they will leave the entry way. Then we just run through while there gone. Easy peasy."

I waited for him to continue explaining but after a few seconds of silence I asked, "And, how do you plan to do this?" He wordlessly pulled out a lighter with a wicked grin. "We are going to start ourselves a fire."

The plan was actually really simple, as long as we didn't get caught. I would smoke a cigarette close to one of the food stands that had a grill by it. When no one was looking I would 'accidently' throw it a little too close to the open lighting fuel can by it. It would cause a massive flame to break out and in the confusion of people trying to put it out, we would sneak through the gates. I picked a grill that was farther away from people, so that they wouldn't get hurt. We didn't want to kill anyone, just cause a scene.

I puffed out another cloud of smoke, glancing around to see if anyone was looking my way. Mmm, nope! Now was the time to push the first domino down in this domino effect plan. I walked a distance away before tossing the cancer stick expertly behind my shoulder. I didn't even look back, because I knew it would work. My aim was never off, which was a reason I was so great at basketball.

The startled screams of "Fire!" behind me proved my point and I split into a jog to get to the other guys before they left me behind. I was a bit worried that the guards wouldn't leave their position, but only seconds later they were sprinting past me with fire extinguishers in their hands.

I made it to the guys in time and we slipped in without a problem. Once we were sure that we were safely in, we were all yelling happily. Kyle high fived me saying, "Nice job Kenny! That throw was perfect and you should have seen the fire it was like-" Stan butt in with a pout, "Hey, it was my idea!" We laughed and walked to a spot as close as we could to the stage, which wasn't all too close considering the crowd but still had a good view. There was a bar inside the place too, so I saved our spot while the others went and bought some beers for us to drink while we waited for the show to start.

They came back quick enough with tons of bottles piled in their arms. It probably would last us all night with the amount they had! We had only drank enough to get a little tipsy when the lights had dimmed except for one spotlight directed towards the stage. Music suddenly filled the room with a beat so irresistible that everyone had to dance along to it. I kept drinking and dancing until the world started spinning and everything blurred together.

I honestly don't remember the music or band that much. I was to busy skipping between dancing partners and making out with random chicks in the back to concentrate on how good the music was or not. A drunken Cartman had tried to hook up with me at one point but I hadn't been _that _drunk yet to not be disgusted by him. He only shrugged before disappearing into the ever growing crowd.

It was fun for a few hours, but after a while I was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic and sick. I rushed out one of the back doors, glad to be able to breathe fresh air again. I could feel the twisting in my stomach reside a bit as I sat down in the damp grass. It was a pretty cool night, even though no where compared to the usual freezing weather. Thank God it's only fall and not winter yet...

Staring up at the bright full moon I felt a strange sense of Deja Vu. Wasn't I in a situation like this only a while ago? I swear it would have been almost exactly the same if Kyle came crashing through the doors right now...

"Hey Kenny, have you seen Stan or Cartman?" Kyle's voice sprung up behind me. Seriously, I think he's a physic! He always pops up when you think about him. I looked up at him halting with a gasp. The moon was shining down onto his face, making him glow ever so slightly. His eyes were shining out clear in the night capturing my gaze. The world turned into an emerald color, dazing me so much I couldn't turn away from the sight.

"Uh, Kenny? Did you hear me?" His voice shattered the illusion and I turned away embarrassed, hoping that my hood would hide the blush on my face. "No, I haven't. Why?" I asked glancing back up at him. He was biting his lip looking worried. He plopped down in the grass beside me prior to replying, "Well, the concert ended and I can't find them anywhere... Stan's our ride back remember?" I nodded understanding why he was worried. "You have your cell phone, right?" I paused so that he could fish it out of his pocket. Once he did so I continued, "Why don't you just call them?" He did so immediately biting his lip as the answer machine picked up for both of them.

He sighed and set his phone down. "They aren't picking up. What should we do?" Kyle asked tiredly, but traces of panic were hiden with his words. I talked quickly so that he didn't freak out too much. "Just call a taxi for us. It shouldn't take them too long to get us, and we both have enough money to get back right?" He looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know, you can be pretty smart some times, Kenny." I sent a smile his way before laughing, "That's me! Smart old Kenny McCormic."

Kyle talked briefly on the phone before snapping it shut and giving me a satisfied smile. "How does waiting an hour for a ride sound?" I just shook my head and said, "Like we have much of a choice?"

This was going to be a long hour...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is a pretty short chapter compared to the last one... Sorry that it took me so long to update, school started and I've been busy every day with homework... Anyways, read and review!**

**(Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I tried to get them all but I may have missed a few.)**

* * *

I think that we hadn't ever been alone together, that we didn't really know what to do. We were always surrounded by people now a days and we never just hung out with the two of us alone. When we were kids, sure but that had been years ago, and people change...

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while before I heard Kyle muttering, "20 questions..." 20 questions? What the heck is he talking about?

"What was that Kyle?" I asked leaning up against the wall of the building. We had been sitting here for about 20 minutes or so, not saying much except from some perverted comments from me and random babbles from him.

He pulled his hood from his jacket a little farther over his face and repeated, "Do you want to play 20 questions?" I shrugged glad to be doing something more then just sitting. "Sure, but how do you play?"

He whipped around to face me excited to explain something. Kyle had this weird quirk of liking to know something that someone else didn't. Then he would go on forever explaining all about it...

His words broke me out of my thoughts as he told about the game. "It's really easy. Each person takes a turn asking the other person a question and you keep going 'till you get to twenty questions. You have to answer truthfully but if you don't want to answer the question you have to do whatever the other person wants you too." He paused before shooting a dirty look at me. "Nothing really perverted though, and no way in HELL am I going to make out with Cartman so don't even think about it..." Huh. I actually hadn't thought about that...

I just smiled at him as an answer and he huffed before continuing, "Uh, that's basically it... I mean it's really just a game to get to know each other, and seeing as how we haven't talked to each other in a while, I thought it would be fun..." I nodded before asking, "Who's going to go first?"

A wicked smile broke out from his face as he said, "Me. That counts as one of your questions you know." I slugged him on the arm while whining, "That's not fair Kyle!"

He stuck his tongue out at me as an answer. "I thought that you were supposed to be the mature one here Kyle!" He just shrugged, deciding not to hit me with a come back. Then he asked his question.

"When did you lose your virginity?" I was startled that he asked that kind of question but I answered back honestly, "Back in 7th or 8th grade, when I was 13. Why, when did you lose yours?" I caught a blush on Kyle's face before he pulled his hood in front of it again. "I-I haven't lost it yet. I'm just waiting for the right person, you know? I'm not a prude or anything, but..." He stuttered out so quiet that I barely heard it. I nodded softly before murmuring back, "I kind of understand... I mean the part where you want the right person. I've had it with tons of people, but none of them meant anything..."

It was quiet for a minute or so before Kyle asked his next question. "Have you ever fallen in love?" I shook my head slowly before asking the same question back? "What about you, Kyle? Have you?"

He shook his head too and a moment later I burst out laughing. "Look at us, Ky! Two incredibly handsome guys like us have gone out with tons of girls, but we haven't fell for even one." I brushed a tear out of my eye as my laughs quieted down.

Kyle's next words were so soft that if I hadn't been paying attention I would have missed them. "So why don't we try going out with each other?"

For a moment I was shocked, but then another fit of giggles broke out of my throat and I smacked Kyle on the back softly. "Your such a joker, Kyle! You really crack me up, you know that? Us, together?"

In the corner of my eye I had seen Kyle face twisted into a sad expression, but the moment I turned he was smiling and laughing along with me. I must be getting tired...

If to prove that thought, my body decided it was time for a huge yawn. Realizing that it was my turn to ask the question, I flipped through my head the things I could ask him. It was weird that as close friends as we were, we didn't know the first thing about each other. I mean the important things, because I knew his favorite color was blue, he liked light pop songs, loved playing soccer, and spaghetti was his favorite thing to eat. But none of that was important things, and I still knew nothing about who he really was...

"Do you ever feel like..." I paused, struggling for the right words, "like...there is someone who makes you actually want to get up in the morning and see them? Um, like it would be ok to be stuck in South Park as long as they were there?" If your wondering, there's no one like that for me yet. But I once heard someone say, 'I loved her the whole time, but it wasn't until I lost her that I realized it...' So who knows, right?

Kyle glanced over at me with a small smile as he put his hands by his mouth and puffed into them. "Ya, everyday..." Silence came between us again, but it was a peaceful one this time. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes sleepily. Before drifting off I muttered quietly, "Wake me up when they're here ok, Kyle?" Then I was out without even waiting for his reply.

* * *

Have you ever felt so happy in a dream that you almost never want to wake up? That's how every dream is for me... I dream of colors though, thousands of them swirling together in a random tone. Two colors always shine out from the others in the colage. Green... and red. They follow me everywhere and the closer I am to them, the greater I feel. All night, I am with the colors, dancing to an endless song with no music.

As I stared into the green they started to take a shape. I stared puzzled into it as they turned from swirls into eyes, them staring at me as I was looking at them. The red took shape too, and try as I might I just couldn't understand who this was. It was on the tip of my tongue, and as the body of this mystery person took shape, I knew. "It's you-!"

Kyle shook me awake, back into the freezing night. I shuddered and tried to slip back into my sleep, before Kyle punched me in the stomach.

I flung up, now fully awake. "Ow! What the hell, asshole!" I cried as I rubbed my tummy sorely. I hated getting awaken so quickly and rudely.

He shrugged as he pulled me onto my feet. "It seemed the easiest way to wake you up. The taxi's here, so come on lazy ass." He turned briskly and trotted down the icy sidewalk to where the yellow cab was waiting for us. I followed pouting, mumbling the whole way. "You could of done it nicer..."

The car ride back was pretty uneventful, other then Kyle and I trying to convince the driver to play music other then old 80's music. We never did win, but we at least got him to switch it to some baseball game that was on at the moment. We sat back contented, and played a bit more of the 20 questions game. We stayed on light topics, like favorite things, games, and so on. It was pretty peaceful and soon enough we were outside Kyles house, and he was paying the driver, since I couldn't afford shit.

I was already sliding down the sidewalk towards my house when a hand grabbed onto my sleeve? I turned questioningly, coming to face Kyle with a long sly smile on his mouth. He let go of my jacket and tilted his head innocently.

"How 'bout you stay over at my house tonight?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Longest chapter so far! Plus I updated pretty quickly. You are all welcome. ;)**

**I want to thank Oye mi Canto, TheyKilledKenny8, and Dirge for the Dead for reviewing! You guys make me feel appreciated. :)**

* * *

There was a reason I didn't come to Kyle's house much, and it wasn't just 'cause of some stupid reason. Well, not on my part or Kyle's anyways. I mean how we help it that I'm so outlandishly hot that his little brother pops a boner every time I walk through the door?

It all started last year when Ike began high school. He's a smart kid like Kyle, so he skipped ahead a grade for some classes, like Math and Science and shit, and so he was in a few of my classes. I didn't really know Ike to well, seeing as the last time we talked was when I was little still, but I tried to be nice to him since he was my friends younger brother. It started out fine enough, we talked and laughed and after a while I started hanging around him because I wanted to, and not just 'cause I felt I had too. But, not all great things last I guess...

Somewhere along the line he started avoiding me and if we did ever get to talk, he kept the conversation really short and avoided getting close to me at all. He wouldn't even look me in the eyes. Truthfully, it was all really bugging me, the way he was acting so disgusted by me. I was used to it by now, but I didn't see a reason why Ike would be like that too, especially seeing how he was fine with me a while ago. So I decided to corner him and figuring what the hell his problem was...

I followed Ike into the equipment room after school, determined to figure out what was going on. His back was turned towards me and he hadn't noticed that I was there as I quietly closed the door behind me. "Ike, we need to talk."

He jumped a foot in the air with curses spilling out of his mouth. "Jesus FUCKING Christ, you really know how to scare a person, Kenny." I shrugged lazily a smirk plastered over my face. "What can I say? It's my part-time job, sneaking up on people and scaring the shit out them." He laughed warily, his eyes flicking over to the door behind me as the shock wore off. "I bet it is, Kenny. Um, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta go..." I stepped in front of him quickly, blocking his way. The smile slid off my face as I spoke seriously, "No, your not gonna leave 'till you tell me why you're avoiding me."

Another nervous laugh broke out of his throat as he took a step back from me. "I'm not avoiding you. Why would you think that?" He let out a scoff that died as I set him a look that sent a fit of shivers through his body. "Seriously Ike, lets not go through this whole fucking bad acting. You should know by now that I'm not a very patient person, so tell me why already."

His blue eyes twitched as he tried to pull some lame-o excuse out of his ass to hand to me on a silver plate, but another look from me made him start biting his lip. A minute of that must have been to nerve racking for him, because he tried to make a sudden dash for the door to get away.

I sprung from my spot and grabbed him easily, pulling him back to where he had stood a second ago. Ike yelped and ripped his arm away from my hold, his face turning a bright red for a moment before going back to it's original color as quickly as it had come. Curious, I touched him again and I got the same response.

"Uh, are you ok, I-" Suddenly Ike's lips were over mine cutting me off with a surprised squeak. Before I got a chance to react at all, Ike was pushing himself off of me, babbling on embarrassed.

"OhGodKenny, I'm sorry! But... IfoundoutIreallylikeyou...andIdon'tknowwhattodobecause...Ican'tcontrolmydamnthoughtsand...I don'twantyoutohateme...but...I just can't..."

Confusion wrapped itself inside my head as I tried to make since of what he just said and what the hell was going on. I couldn't make sense of his blubbering at all. "Uh, could you repeat that a little slower?"

A frustrated tear slid from his eye as his face turned an even brighter red. "I-I'm sorry!" Ike screamed as he fled from the room, banging the door shut as he left.

Later I finally made out what he had said, and things made a lot of sense then. I wasn't happy at all with what had happened, so as quickly as I had made a pretty cool friend, I lost him. I didn't talk to Ike much anymore, but he never attempted to talk to me really either, though I caught him staring at me sometimes. I was never sure if that made me feel complimented or plain right freaked out. I try not to think about it much either, because all I would get in reward is a massage headache.

All I knew for sure was four things. 1. Kyle's little brother, Ike Broflovski, had a crush on me, Kenny McCormick. 2. I in return was never, EVER, going to return those feelings (sorry Ike). 3. That made it sure as hell awkward coming to Kyle's house, which is why I hardly ever do anymore. 4. This sounds like it's fucking straight out of Twilight, with the whole list shit. God, I need some sleep...

So now I'm standing inside the entry way of Kyle's house, even though I had swore not to come here anymore to spare people of the awkwardness. But, it would be so much better staying in this nice warm house instead of having to trek back to my house in the dark and come to a cold empty house, or worse, my dad drunk and angry with a broken booze bottle in his hand limping forward to-

With a shudder I broke myself out of an old memory and forced myself to concentrate on the present. Kyle's red curls were bounding down the entry hall of his house, disappearing into the kitchen. I followed him as soon as I took off my wet shoes and coat, and stopped abruptly when the delicious smells reached my nose.

You can say what you want about Kyle's mom, like how much of a bitch she is, but you can NOT deny the fact that she is an amazing cook. Once you eat her creations, you almost want to just stay there and eat it all the time.

The growling of my stomach sent me into over drive on my search to find the source of the attracting smell. I didn't have to search much, because Kyle must gave had the same thought I did, and was scooping chicken soup into bowls for us. With a small smile I grabbed my bowl swiftly before plopping down loudly at the dinner table to devour the soup. Half-way through, I noticed that Kyle hadn't joined me yet.

"Wha-" I started to ask until I turned and saw Ike standing at the doorway of the kitchen. An awkward silence filled the room while Ike stared at us from the entry, not saying a word. Kyle let out a loud cough before mumbling, "What are you doing up so late, Ike?" I glanced at the clock and noticed that it indeed was late, it being already 1 in the morning. Ike fidgeted before mumbling quietly, "I was hungry..."

Kyle knew about Ike's crush, but he never brought it up to spare both of us from the misery. But, Oh, he knew and he hated how he couldn't be with his brother and friend in the same room without there being a hell lot of awkwardness. He really wanted to fix it all, but there was no way he could until Ike tried to move on, or something.

Ike trotted over to the simmering soup, poured himself a bowl and stood by the oven hesitantly, glancing at the table. Kyle had came and sat by me in the middle of this and only raised an eyebrow at his little brother. "Is there...something you want, Ike?" Kyle muttered between sips of his soup, while Ike opened and closed his mouth quickly.

Finally, he made a decision and spoke quietly to us. "Is...Is it alright if I sit with you guys?" Kyle glanced with a gleam in his eye, and I nodded wearily. This could be the start of Ike trying to get over his crush, and maybe we could be friends again.

The kitchen was much quieter than it would have been if it was just Kyle and I, but we all still talked a little. Mostly small talk, but it was a start. Soon enough though, we piled the empty bowls into the sink and went our own ways. Well, more like me and Kyle went to his room, and Ike went to his, but still.

The second the door was shut, Kyle turned to me with a frown. "I feel bad..." He murmured to me, crossing the room towards his closet. My eyes followed him as I asked, "Why?" Turning sharply, he gave a look that practically screamed 'are you an idiot!'. A sigh only left his mouth as he took out some clothes from the closet. "Well..." He started as he pulled off his shirt slowly. My eyes followed the rim of his shirt unknowingly, until it was gone and then I was staring at his naked chest.

Kyle was _fit _for a skinny dude. His muscles weren't bulging out, but they were toned in nicely along his arms. My gaze traveled down towards his stomach, surprised by the sight of a six-pack forming. Kyles voice broke me out of my daze the second my eyes started traveling down farther. "-you know?"

"Huh?" I squeked loudly, tearing my eyes away quickly, a blush creeping up onto my face. Kyle frowned while pulling on a pajama shirt, and walked over to where I was. "I said, that I felt bad for Ike, because he likes you but you don't feel that way, you know?" He inspected my face carefully, leaning down to be face to face with me, leaving his shirt dangling open with a full blown view of his chest again. "You okay, Kenny?"

I gulped, forcing myself to stay calm, even though I could feel some sort of panic at the back of my throat. "Just a little tired." I chocked out, glad to be able to say that much.

Kyle accepted the answer before retreating to the closet and throwing some clothes he found at me. "You can put those on for tonight." My mind slipped into the gutter, and I grabbed them with a fumble and fled the room to change in the bathroom.

I slammed the door shut with a groan. What the hell is wrong with me? This is my best friend! My _best friend_! Looking into the mirror, I gave myself a little slap and started a pep talk. Ok, Kenny, you can do this. Nothing has changed, your just spending a night at your friends house, who you just noticed is totally hot, and you wouldn't mind if you could tap tha-

I groaned while tugging my new clothes on. So much for convincing my self that all is normal...

Once I got back to the room, I got around my weirdness by saying that I was really tired. Kyle only nodded and asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I agreed, relieved, and quickly chose an action packed movie from Kyle's movie collection.

If there's one thing that I'm really jealous of, is Kyle's huge amount of movies. He's got everything from comedy, action, romance, romance-comedy, horror, suspense, and more. He could set up his own movie rental! At my house, we only had a few old flicks that my mum had got for free when she was working at a hotel once. Some old couple had left them, and since they never came back to get them and no one else wanted them, she took them. We watched them on a super old TV and VCR player that my dad had picked up broken in a dumpster and fixed it up. Well, tried to at least. It worked, and that's all that counts.

I watched the movie blankly, not really paying attention to it, but letting my mind wander instead. I wonder if Ike and I could ever be friends again? Could things go back to how they were? Would Stan ever forgive me? What is with this..._thing _with Kyle? Those were some of the things my mind lingered on, but eventually it stayed on the color dream I had earlier. Something about that was grating at me, like a name at the tip of my tongue, but unable to be remembered.

Sleep almost pulled me in again, but a sudden bang of shots from the TV jolted me awake. I groaned and turned towards Kyle ready to whine at him to shut it off. The moment I saw him though, the words got caught in my throat.

Kyle had fallen asleep sometime during the movie, and his face was completely relaxed. Light from the TV flickered on it, causing it to glow brightly in the dark room. His dark curls were curved around his face, though the rest of him was sprawled out on the bed. His eyes twitched softly while a whisper broke out of his mouth from a dream he was occurring.

A strange haze had taken over my vision, and I watched nimbly as a pale hand reached out towards him, almost about to touch a piece of hair that had fallen onto his face. Only until I felt his hot breathe on my skin and the softness of his hair, that I noticed that the pale hand was really mine. But for some reason, I couldn't care less, instead I concentrated on the feel of his silky hair as I ran my hand through it slowly.

A gasp snapped me out of the trance I had been in, causing me to recoil from Kyle and land in pile on the floor, looking up to the person who had made the noise.

My heart fell to my stomach as I stared into the dark eyes of Ike Broflovski.

* * *

***Looks at number of hits that Mi Estrella has gotten* I know you people are reading this, so please click the review button and make this author happy? Even a small one can make me want to write more. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Chapter 7... This one is not a very good chapter for Kenny. Sigh, my friend was going through some trouble and it made me depressed and that's why it's harsh on Kenny at the end. Sorry Kenneth! :'( Review and tell me what you think. Next chapter Kenny does his... plan. :)**

* * *

Ike turned and ran from the room, slamming his door shut across the hall. I flinched as Kyle tumbled awake, disoriented from sleep. "Whaz goin ooon?" He muttered sleepily, blinking up at me from the bed. I grabbed a blanket on the floor and covered him while whispering, "Just go back to bed, I can handle it.

Truthfully, I was close to a full-out melt down. It wasn't so much the fact that Ike had caught me petting Kyle, but the fact why I was doing it. Sure, having Ike catch me was bad too, but at least he stopped me from doing whatever could have happened if my strange daze had continued. Now I needed to pick up the pieces, and fix everything before it really crashed all around me. I had to shut Ike up, before he ratted me out to his brother.

Closing Kyle's bedroom door shut quietly, I crossed the hall onto Ike's territory. I stood outside the door, taking a deep shuddering breath, before knocking softly. "Ike, can I come in? I need to talk to you..."

There was a long silence on the other side, before I heard steps and the door swung open allowing me access inside. I gazed longingly back, wishing I could just go to sleep and forget about all of this, but stepped into the room instead. I blinked wildly trying to adjust to the dimness of the room, until Ike's demanding cough brought my attention to him.

His eyes had a slight reddish tint to them, even noticeable in the darkness, that indicated that he had been crying. He rubbed at them fast, trying to cover that up. My heart tugged sadly at the pitiful sight, and I glanced down at the floor to save him from more misery.

He coughed again while nervously rubbing a hand through his raven black hair. "So..." His voice croaked out mildly, "Say what you need to, and do it quickly before I decide to tell Kyle what I saw."

That sentence strummed a string of panic in me, and I channeled it into a blind range. "There was nothing to see!" I snapped at him while glaring the whole while. "Nothing happened, Ike. So there is nothing to tell." I stared into his eyes panting, daring him to say something back.

I was surprised when instead of backing down like I was used to him doing, he stood up tall and looked me right back in the eyes. A fire I couldn't name was dancing in his eyes, but it wasn't anger or excitement. In truth he was almost looking at me in a pitying kind of way, and it only grated at me more.

Shaking his head with a sigh, Ike began talking faintly to me. "That's what I thought to Kenny, back when I started liking you. I said it was nothing, that it was all fine, nothing weird was happening. But you know, after a while, you can't lie to yourself anymore." Another wave of panic/rage over came me and my body trembled with the urge to pop up and smack him in the face. In my highest peaks of anger my true red-neck heredity would come out, and it was either fight or yell. No flight for a McCormick, just punch or talk your way out of the situations.

"Are you implying..." I growled out, "that I am gay... for your brother!" Ike's eyes widened and he took a step back at the sound of my voice. "Jeez, calm down Kenny! It's not like it's the end of the world, or something!" His eyes softened and he whispered knowingly, "Believe me, I know..." My anger disappeared as quickly as it came, and I started to wonder how much Ike really had gone through.

He looked up at me again and continued talking, "Listen, I'm not saying that you _do_ love Kyle, you are the only one that can decide that. But... I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, ok?" A small sad smile broke out over his face, as he directed me towards the door. He wished me a good night before closing the door on me.

I found it funny how I came to talk and calm him down, but in the end, he was the one trying to calm me down. But his words only rose up more confusion in me. I liked girls...right? Nice curvy girls, with squishy breasts and long tan legs. Long eyelashes that covered eyes so pretty that glazed over when in lust. Ya, I loved girls with their annoying high pitched voices that bitch on and on about shit, and how they never wanted to do anything _fun_.

Tiredly, I stumbled back into Kyle's room and crashed onto the small coach he had set up in front of his TV. Tomorrow I would deal with whatever was going on in my head and make sense of it all. But not now...

* * *

Sunlight escaping from the curtains of the window woke me out of my sleep, and I watched them sparkle content for a while, ignoring a nagging at the back of my mind. Something needed to be remembered, but I didn't want to. I was so happy and peaceful right now, something rare for me.

I glanced at the clock and smiled brightly when I saw it was eleven in the morning. I loved being able to sleep in, so thank God for the weekends. I hummed silently while getting up and grabbing my pair of clothes from yesterday off the floor. I brought them to my nose and sniffed, decided that they didn't smell _to_ rank and pulled them on quickly. Just to make sure, I grabbed a bottle of febreze off of Kyle's dresser and sprayed it on me. Aw, all better.

Kyle must have woken up earlier than me, because he wasn't in the room. Something tugged again at the back of my mind, and suddenly a huge fucking hangover came crashing down.

"HOLY JESUS CHRIST BANANAS!" I screamed clutching my head in agony, tears streaming down my face. It felt like my brain was being torn apart in the inside, and the whole world turned into a blurry black splotched picture.

At the point of passing out, the headache reduced down into an annoying throb, but at least I could ignore that. I let out a shaky breath as I collapsed at the foot of the bed. Rubbing the tears off my face, I vowed to never drink ever again.

The pounding of feet in the hallway reached my ears, and I stood up quickly grabbing onto a dresser to keep myself from falling over. Kyle slammed open the door and jumped a bit when he came face to face with me. "Are you okay!" He gushed out hurriedly. I smiled weakly and nodded. "I'm fine."

He looked skeptic and glanced at my whole body before replying. "I heard you screaming." I started to shrug and he sent me a pointed look. "It's nothing, I just got up a little to fast and all those beers from yesterday caught up to me. I'm really ok now, I swear." I trembled slightly as he looked me over again before deciding that I was indeed fine. "Well, sorry about last night how I feel asleep so fast. I really was tired..."

Last night... Memories practically slapped me in the face, and I felt a little sick to the stomach. I choked it down and tilted my face away from Kyle's stare. How could I just ignore my thoughts last night? Now things were just going to be worse. "It's ok." I managed to croak out.

He smiled and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the room. My heart was twisting in my chest and I wanted for him to stop touching me, but at the same time I didn't want him to stop. A moment later he let go and started talking. "I made pancakes for breakfast, so I hope that's ok."

I shook off the weird feeling erupting out of me and tried to act normal. "Ok! it's fucking great!"

* * *

There's no place like home. No where else in the world that you can sit and try to not think at all, while your parents screamed in the background. No place else to be pushed around and abused, then treated nicely until my dad's anger towards mum reached it's peak and he would take it out on me. But it's from all this that I learned a very important lesson. No matter how much you hurt, no matter how confused and broken you are, never scream out. Never let anyone see the darker part of you or the weaker side, and never, EVER, rely on someone else even if you are the best of friends. It can only lead to pain.

I relied on my mum once, and she only stood and watched as my dad cut me open with a beer bottle. She let me hobble by myself up to the bathroom, let me clean the wounds alone and cry silently with no one else around to see.

I trusted my brother Kevin to keep our little sister safe when I wasn't around, so that dad couldn't get to her when he was drunk and in a fit of range. But Kevin left her alone, and she 'fell' down the stairs and broke her arm.

So, I couldn't trust anyone, I could only rely on myself to do things right. That's how I grew up. But this has all made me a stronger person, someone who can go through anything, and be fine. Nothing could get to me, I was a McCormick.

But... Has anyone ever asked to stop and really wonder how I am? Because, even if I a McCormick, I still hurt. All those times I don't scream out, I'm dying a little bit more inside each time. I want to be heard, I want someone to stop and help me, and I want to trust someone. I want out, I Want Out, I WANT Out, I WANT OUT I WANT OUT I WANT-

* * *

"KENNY, GET THE FUCK UP, OR YOU ARE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" A man's voice roared from downstairs. I moaned wearily before getting up sourly. It was going to be one of those days, I just knew it.

The weekend had gone fast, with nothing more then pure bliss of thought. There was things I needed to do, but I told myself that it could all wait until Monday. Well here's an ass-kicker. It's Monday.

I slowly put on some clothes and ruffled my hair before walking out of my room, deep in thought. Today was the day I was going to test my straightness. I mean, I've had sex with guys before, but that doesn't mean I'm gay, right? It just means I'm a dirty whore who's desperate for money. My test was going to be simple and once I proved that there was _no _gay feelings I had, it would be over and the world would be right again.

So lost in these thoughts, I didn't notice when me shoe caught on one of the wood splinters that stick out of the stairs, and I went tumbling down the stairs head first. For a split second I felt extremely calm until it shattered and pain filled it's place. Every step I bounced off of sent splinters of wood into my back, arms, and legs. At the bottom I crashed into the wall with a bang, bruising my poor back even more then it had been. Gritting my teeth, I strained against the wall pulling myself to do a damage report.

I had a large chunk of wood stabbed into my leg, making it impossible to stand on it right, blood flowing freely from the wound. My jeans were stained dark red form there and from much smaller pieces, but other then that all I had was bruises that were going to be pretty festively colored.

Biting into my hoody, I wrapped my hands around the block of wood and pulled as hard as I could. Tears streamed out of my eyes as I tried hard not to pass out. It came out with a sickening ripping sound as it was freed from my leg. I tossed it across the room, wiping the water from my eyes.

I stumbled upstairs to the bathroom, wrapping my wounds carefully and changing into another pair of jeans. Walking down the mother fucking stairs again, slowly this time, I wondered into the kitchen looking for my mum.

Finding her by the stove, I tapped her shoulder and she turned around the scowl wiped off her face as she saw my shitty state, even though I tried hard to hide it. A sigh passed her lips and she rubbed her temples. "I'm guessing you want a ride to school right?" I nodded and she did the same back, sending me off to get my backpack as she got her keys.

It was silent in the car as she took me to school, filled with a disappointed air from her. "Listen Kenny," she started, pulling out a cigarette, "this whole dying shit isn't going to start again, is it? Because you know, we can't afford it." A agitated glare was sent my way and I only shook my head and leaned against the window wishing I was there already. That's the one thing that I can't stand the most about my mum, she blamed the fact that I died all the time on me. Because it was SOOO my fault that a plane came out of no where and smashed me flat.

The moment we pulled up, I jumped out of the car glad to get away, and my shoe caught on the rim of the car door, making me fall straight on my face. My mother only sighed again and pushed me out of the car before driving away, not even bothering to ask me if I was ok.

I glanced at the sky as it started to rain, feeling absolutely miserable.

It was just one of those days.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am an idiot... Even though no one brought this up, when I was re-reading my chapters I noticed that I made a math mistake that was at a 1st grade level... I had said that when Kenny was 8 he had seen a band, and now it was 7 years later. That would make him 15. Buuut later I had said he was 16! Then I had said that when Ike had joined High School, he skipped ahead two grades, which would place them at a Junior Level. But remember I had said that the Ike incident was last year for them. Which would make them Seniers now!**

**So I am sooo sorry! Here's how I really wanted them to be in my story. They are 16/17 years old, and in the end of their Juinor school year. Ike is one year younger then them, and only skipped ahead ONE grade, which means that the last year they were Sophomores. Now he is a Sophomore, and Kenny is a Junior. I'm going to go back and fix that if I have time, so you may not even have to worry about this note. So again, I am sorry that I hadn't noticed this at the time I was writing it. -_-'**

**Please remember to read and review, and if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask. C:**

* * *

Life goes on, even if you aren't there to appreciate it. I think that's the one thing that I learned the most from dying so much. So you have to do what you want now, before it was to late to do it later and all you do is regret.

So that's why I was doing my plan today no matter what, and damn the consequences.

I picked myself off the side of the road and shook myself, trying to pull it all together. Smacking my face a little, I limp-jogged to the door of the school, holding my backpack up with one shoulder. That is until Stan ran straight into me trying to get through the door first.

The impact caused my bag to rip open, and all my books to come tumbling out. I held in another sigh as I bent down to pick them up. A flash of pain ripped through my leg, meaning that the slight bending motion I had made must have opened up the wound again. God, this thing was gonna be more of a bitch then I had thought...

Stan curled his lip up at me in annoyance. "Watch were your going, you frea-Shit! What the hell happened to you!" His voice turned from disgust to worry in seconds flat. I know that I should have been a little perplexed, but the blood loss was making me a little dizzy. "Cut open my leg this morning on accident." Suddenly suspision etched into my mind. "But why the fuck do you care, Stan?"

A blank look entered his eyes before it was replaced by that disgusted look again. "I don't. But Kyle likes you and does worry. I couldn't ever imagine why though." He stuck up his nose and looked down at me in a bitchy way. God Stan, take some PMS pills...

"Anyways, just get it cleaned up before he sees, because I really don't want to put up with him whining all day if he notices." With that lovely note, he pushed his way through the door and left me alone with my pile of books. I pushed them back into my battered backpack, making sure to zip the zipper all the way this time, and entered in after him.

Seeing Craig and his group of crack-heads in front of the bathroom in the entry, I took a quickly V-turn hoping to escape to the one across the hall without being seen by one of them. Sadly, Lady Luck must have decided to hate me today.

"Hey, Kenny wait up you fucker!" Craig's voice broke out from behind me, and I bite my lip wearily and forced my mouth into a light smirk before turning around. "Ya? What do you want Craig?" He simply grabbed my arm and forced me to begin walking. "Nothing really. Can't two good pals just walk together anymore?"

I held in a remark, instead letting a frown take over my face. Craig and I hadn't been "pals" since... Well, never really. Why he decided now was a good time to start was beyond me, and even if curiostity was killing me, I held my tongue. It was much safer to just go along with whatever Craig wanted. Besides, we were still walking towards the direction of the bathroom.

"Smoke?" I had already been reaching out my hand when I noticed it was a roll of meth, not a normal cigarette. I shook my head, bringing my hand back down to my side. He shrugged bringing it to his lips instead. "Whatever, your loss."

You might wonder why I didn't take drugs like Craig, seeing how I was already addicted on tobacco and alcohol. The reason is really simple though. I know I can't afford it, and neither can my family. Sure, cigarettes are expensive, but if you add more drugs on top of that, I would either be a broke drug addicted on the street or twitching as much as Tweek because of not being able to take them. So ya, I'll stay away from the shit, thank you very much.

As quickly as Craig had came, he left, leaving me a little confused on why he had decided to even talk to me in the first place. I figured that if he had something to say, he would find me later in the day. So I only shrugged and went into the bathroom.

Ever since the time I had stopped dying in Middle School, I started keeping a first add kit in my backpack in case anything would ever happen to me. Which knowing my family and friends, I did get hurt quite a lot, so it was a good thing I always had it with me.

Peeling up my pants leg, I winced at the sight of my leg. The wound had blood flowing from it freely again, and it was turning a bright red color at the edges. I grabbed a rag from the kit, and mopped up most of the sticky fluid with it.

Once it was mostly cleared up, I dared to glance at my leg again. The wound was still red around the edges, looking more than a bit frayed. I smeared some anti-bacteria shit on it, deciding that it would have to do, before wrapping it carefully in some bandages. Giving it a slight pat, I pulled my pant leg down, pushed my kit back into my backpack and left the room.

After going to my locker and switching things out, I scoped the halls for a certain redhead. My searching didn't lead to any satisfactory results, and it was cut off when the bell peirced the halls. I let the crowd push me around before slowly walking towards my History class. Kyle would be there for certain, he was to good of a little nerd to skip classes.

Fighting my way through the crowd, I tumbled into my class and plopped down in my seat near the back. Kyle was seated three spots ahead, stuck between the two most talkative girls in our class, Bebe and Wendy. At the moment they were talking about their periods and other girly problems, and I winced in sympathy for him. Poor Kyle, was caught right in the middle, a slight blush stuck on his face as he stared down at the desk trying to pretend he was somewhere else. I crumpled a piece of paper and chucked it at his head, trying to catch his attention.

All I got in return was a glare from Kyle and a half-assed yell from the teacher about throwing things in class. Rolling my eyes, I spent the rest of class doodling on a peice of paper wondering if Kyle was going to ignore me after class or not. If he did, it would put a damper in my plans quickly. Maybe that would be for the best though...

I shook my head throwing the idea off. I already told myself to damn the consequences, didn't I! This was something that needed to be done.

The moment the bell went off I grabbed my things and tossed them in a corner of the hall quickly. They could be dealt with later, if needed. Waiting for the bunch of people to leave the room, I grabbed Kyle's arm the moment he exited. His surprised yelp caused him to drop his things near to mine. "What the hell Kenny!"

I ignored him and continued to drag him down the hall, him protesting the whole way. My eyes glanced around, looking for a place suitable for my plan to work. I needed a place somewhat dark and not all to noticeable. I smirked when a janitors closet reached my eyes.

Opening the door, I threw Kyle inside before joining him myself. Not relaxing until the door closed with a finall click, I turned to face Kyle. His face was red with anger, but confusion was written all over it too. "Seriously, what the_ hell _Ken-"

I shut him by pressing my lips to his quietly, surprised at how soft and plump they were against mine. He was completely ridged against me, a sharp gasp leaving his mouth at my assault but I restrained myself and pulled back before the kiss continued. His green eyes were hazy and wide, a shocked look written all across his face. A far away whisper escaped from his reddening lips, "Kenny?" I couldn't tear my eyes away from him and that small movement broke my patience, and I pushed my lips back on his with a desperate need that I hadn't known I possessed.

I knocked him down on the floor, pushing my tongue into his mouth as far as it could go, getting a small muffled moan as response. It sent pleasant shudders through my body and Kyle began responding vigorously, fighting my tongue with mine.

Then the bell shattered my hazy illusion.

Panic caught at the back of my throat, and a new kind of shivering took over my body, and I pushed Kyle off as hard as I could. A pained cry snapped out of his throat as his head smacked against the floor. A few tears spilled from the rim of his eyes, and I stood up shakily avoiding his gaze. "Kenny-" He started to reach for me but I jumped back from his touch. "NO!" I screamed, backing up shakily, my back bumping against the door. "I-it was a mistake Kyle. It doesn't mean anything."

More tears spilled out from his darkening eyes, but I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. I fled from the room, slamming the door behind me, trying to get away. Away from here, from him, from what happened, from _me_. I broke out of the school doors, and didn't stop running until I was far into the dim streets of South Park. The ugly truth dawned on me, causing me to shake all over as disgusted tears formed at the edges of my eyes.

The first kiss was just an experiment. The second wasn't.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here's chapter 9... I'm sorry that if it is a little bit sloppy, but I am really busy at the moment and I need to cook supper and... Ugh, you get the point.**

**I forgot to respond to this earlier, so I'll do it now. An anonymous person (called Someone) reviewed twice to my story, sooo I just wanted to say thank you! I'm glad you like the story, and I hope you continue to read it. :D**

**By the way, I do have a direction that I am leading this story to. It may seem a little random and all over the place right now, but I am getting the the point soon, so hopefully you continue to read my story. :3**

**Please review if you have the time. I'm not going to blackmail you people by saying, 'If you don't review, I won't update," but reviews do help motivate me.**

**Also, thank you so much to everyone that _has _reviewed so far. :D Love you all!**

* * *

Every time I read one of those teen-boppy stories that girls seem to love, where the boy always ran after kissing the girl they were crushing on, I would only shake my head and laugh. I never saw what would possess them from just staying and kissing the girls brains out, instead of leaving like a chicken shit. I mean, what were they even _thinking_?

I get it now.

Absolute terror is pumping through my body while a million thoughts are going through my head. What if he hates me? Why did I do that? How do I feel? How does _he _feel? Will he tell someone? Does this change things? Am I gay, or is it just a weird phase? What if he liked it? What if he _didn't_? Did I like it?

I have no answer at all to my questions, no matter how much they pound inside me, screaming to be let out. I wanted to know these things, but my heart was squeezing painfully and tears were flowing down my cheeks, though I didn't remember crying them. Everything hurt too much...

I took a deep shaky breathe, and moved closer to the heater beside me. After the incident, I sprinted as far as I could, not paying attention at all to where I was heading. Only when my legs refused to move anymore and my lungs were burning, then I stopped to open my eyes and look around. I ended up at an old gas station, with rusty car's fuming around the pumps and an old heater outside the store. I dragged myself by it, before collapsing painfully on the ground, not even bothering to pull myself into a sitting position. I just curled as close to it as possible, ignoring the way my fingers were turning numb or that with every second passed my breathe became more noticeable in the air.

Several cars passed my by, but not one ever stopped to see if I was alright or needed help. They just kept driving past, not sparing the frozen boy a glance. I couldn't even be bothered to feel bad though, because the thoughts were threatening to drive me mad. I knew that if I didn't do something soon, I would go insane.

I licked my lips slowly, melting the light coat of frost that had taken place there. My body screamed in agony as I used the heater to pull my body up, but I ignored the pain, shaking the snow off my coat and stepping away from my place on the curb. A bright neon sign was shining the store's logo, with a bill-board promising hot chocolate and fresh bagels. My stomach rumbled loudly, and I only sighed sadly while adding another hurting part of me onto my already long list.

I peeked into the window and noted gladly that it was almost completely empty. I could take refuge in the back, eating some of the food sneakily while hiding the wrappers somewhere, and no one would bother me with pesky questions like, "Shouldn't you be in school?" or "What's your name, kid and why are you here?"

Opening the door quietly, I sneaked through it and was rewarded with a wave of heat. However, that warmth also made me notice how cold I really was and my whole body began to shiver uncontrollably, my teeth knocking together loudly. This noise sadly was noticed by the person who was working there at the time.

"Welc- Oh, it's just you Kenny." A nasally voice sounded through the store, coming somewhere from the counter. I leaned over it, to find Clyde laying underneath reading a comic book. "Hey Clyde." He waved absently before flipping another page. "Is it ok if I hang out here?" He looked at me warily, before answering. "Sure, just don't steal anything, got it? As soon as your warmer, I'm kicking you out." I grinned widely, not promising anything before leaving him to his comic.

Striding to the back, I was rewarded with a hard plastic table, the kind that can be find in fast food restaurants, such as McDonald's or Subway. Sliding in, I slid a glance towards the counter before swiping a Twinky off the shelf, ripping off the plastic and taking a large bit out of the treat. As the creamy substance filled my mouth, I let out a satisfied moan before bringing it up for another bite.

Before I ever could get that other bite, a low voice behind me interrupted my eating time. "That was a sexy sound..." I whipped around almost chocking on the remaining bit in my mouth. A really good looking guy was sitting there, maybe about 19 years old, with a smirk planted on his face. He had dark brown wavy hair, but not even close to the level Kyle's was. Kyle's hair was a shining reddish-orange filling his bouncy locks perfectly. This man's were a flat dead brown, with only small waves at the ends.

His hazel-brown eyes were staring into mine intensely, causing a lump to appear in the back of my throat. My voice came out slowly, as I was still squirming under his gaze. "Uh... Do I know you?" His smirk only grew more, and I could tell that this conversation was not going to be an innocent one at all. "No, but I would like to get to know you more..." His eyes traveled down my body, then rested on the candy in my hand. "You know, I know a much better creamy snack then that one, if you want to try it out." I rubbed my temple's wearily before sighing out, "How much?"

His eyes opened in surprise, as if he had no clue what I was talking about. "How much, what?" I almost wanted to smack the guy for making me say it out loud, but restrained myself. "How much will you pay me?" The stupid smirk came right back up, and he leaned back cockily. Um, no pun intended.

"How 'bout 100?" This man must have not known that was a somewhat high price for a whore on the street, but I wasn't going to lose the money by telling him. "Come on, man." I said leaning towards him, letting the front of my shirt slip down slightly, "I have to live somehow, how about we make it 125?" He bit his lip, almost falling for my bait but pulled back. "Let's say... 115?" I frowned, faking sadness by pushing my lips into a pout. "120, and you have a deal." He leaned towards me again, his breathe whispering against my face. "You got a deal." I almost backed up in disgust, sure he was handsome but DAMN, he was horny, but I stayed steady because I needed to answer a question.

Don't hate the guy, sure he was horny, gross, and using me, but I am just as bad. I'm using this guy as much as he is using me. I could back out and keep everything the same, but I need to know something. You remember how before how I said that I used to have sex from paying guys? Well... It wasn't the complete truth. Usually they came with a girl or two, so it was a three or four way. They never touched me, it was just the girls. So I'm a virgin when it comes to dudes... And I need to know if I'm gay or whatever, because it hurts my head not to know.

So I let the guy take me back to his apartment, and I let him touch me and do things to me that hadn't happened before. I'll spare you the details, but it's enough to say no matter how much my body enjoyed it, I absolutely hated myself the whole time. After it was done, he payed me and dropped me off somewhere in South Park, and I wondered the streets in a daze with my thoughts even more scrambled.

I thought that sex with him would help... But all that had happened was that one question was answered while thousands more opened up. The way I reacted proved that I was bi. But what the hell does that even prove? Why the fuck did I do that! It didn't have to happen, and now I couldn't get these strange thoughts of Kyle out of my head and-

The sobs that were beginning to bubble out of my mouth cut off suddenly at that thought. Kyle? Since when had Kyle had anything to do with anything at all? Flashbacks of how I compared the two of them entered my head, and my heart squeezed painfully. Kyle shouldn't mean anything... But after what happened, I couldn't stop replaying our kiss in my head. And the whole time I was doing it with the brown haired stranger, I couldn't keep Kyle out of my mind, wishing it was him instead...

Bile rose in the back of my throat, and I staggered quickly over to the grass by the sidewalk before pucking my guts out. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, only giving the mess a dull look before leaving it there as I started to get home. My body was sore, and pain rippled through it every time I walked, and sleep sounded like the best thing in the world at the moment.

By the time I really did get home though, the sun was beginning to sink. Most of my day was spent walking across town, and my shoes were soaked from the snow getting in. I dumped them by the door hazardly, slipping through the house trying not to bring any attention to myself. I felt dirty, and if I talked to any of my family members now, I wouldn't be able to stand the guilt when I saw the disgust in their eyes.

So I staggered upstairs, yelling down that I was going to take a shower and locked myself in the bathroom ignoring the screaming about my disappearance that day. I blocked it all out, and listened to the water rushing down from the shower head waiting for it to warm up. Sometimes I wished I was like the water in a shower... So I could just slip down the drain and never be found again. I could get away from everything...

I pulled my dirty clothes off and stepped into the water, letting the warmth massage my frozen body for a few minutes. My mind was completely blank and at piece, and I hoped with all my heart that it would stay like that after words. But as I turned the water off, and dried myself off with a towel, I could feel the stress at the edge of my head.

Once in my room, I slipped into a pair of shorts and a white shirt, before flipping open my cell phone and turning it on for the first time in weeks. I had to call Kyle, just talk to him, see what was going to happen.

The world was filled with the buzzing of the phone in my ear, and my heart pounding wildly waiting for his voice. A click broke through the buzzing and I swear I almost had a heart attack as I opened my mouth- "Hey, this is Kyle. I'm not here right now, so please leave your name after the beep."

I slammed the phone shut and tossed it on the floor somewhere. My heart couldn't take trying to call him again. My body drifted towards the bed and collapsed on it immediately. I curled underneath the light covers, absently hugging a red pillow next to my chest, wishing that it could stop the pain that was inside. I closed my eyes slowly, letting a small tear slip down my cheek.

Little did I know, that this was only the beginning of a chain of events that would forever change my life.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I hope you all are happy... -_- I spent HOURS of my day today writing this, having to give up a couple of things to do so. I hung up on one of my friends AND passed on watching a scary movie to finish this chapter! So, YOU BETTER REVIEW! ...hehe...**

**Anyways, next chapter everything goes to hell. But, if you stick with my story, things will get better! Believe me, no matter how bad or depressing my story is or will get, it will get better.**

**By the way, this is a Kyle/Kenny fic. It does have hints of Stan/Kyle also, but not much, so if some people don't fancy Stan/Kyle all too much, don't worry, it will only be a little.**

* * *

I couldn't get my body to move the next morning. I knew that I needed to get up, but even if I pushed myself extremely hard, I couldn't even force myself up. For some reason, I couldn't even bring myself to care. I was just so tired...

For the next few minutes I slipped in and out of a fitful doze, sometimes waking up in cold sweat with no reason why, and other times just wide awaken but still unable to move. At the edge of my haze I could hear my family screaming at me to get out of bed, but not once did they come to actually wake me up or see if I was ok. After a while, they just gave up and left me alone.

You see, It's not as if I was sick or something, that's not why I couldn't budge from my spot. It was more like I wasn't really there, like I could feel my body and sense everything around me, yet I wasn't in controll of my own self. Strangly though, I think I was fine with that. I needed time away from school and... everything.

Most of my day was spent like that, in a daze between awake and asleep. The funny thing was though, at one point of the day, I just woke up. Just like that, it wasn't like a gradual waking up like usual, it just happened. All the blurriness that had captivated me before was completely gone.

Staring up at the ceiling, I slowly pulled my body into a sitting position. I winced when it popped in certain places, seeing how I was in one place for faaaar longer then a person normally should...

After my sore body got used to being up, I looked towards my clock to see what time it was. A tired moan escaped my mouth when I noticed that it was 1:30 p.m. I slept much more then I thought I had...

Getting up, I hobbled to my bathroom and began searching for the first aid kit. If I learned only one thing over these years, it would be to always clean your wounds everyday. If you didn't, it may get infected, and that death is almost worse then just death by the wound itself.

The bandages were slicked red with blood at one place, and I was almost afraid to pull them back. But I told myself to suck it up, and so I ripped off the bandages with a slight sucking noise. My fears were rewarded when I saw the sight of fresh blood and a bright pink around my wound. I started to feel a little sick, but I pushed myself on and cleaned around the gash carefully.

Once it was wiped down, I finally noticed how bad it really was. It wasn't like I was about to fall over and die spasticly, but it definitely was infected. That would also explain my weird incapability to get up today, and why I had been feeling out of it all day. I quickly put on some disinfectant and covered it up with a new roll of bandages.

I hobbled out of the bathroom and back into my room for a change of clothes. After that I teetered down the stairs, not wanting a repeat of yesterday, and slipped into the kitchen. A strange kind of shock filled me when I noticed how quiet the house was. I always thought that when I was at school my whole family was at home having fun, drinking all day and laughing in front of the TV. Yet not a soul was in sight. I couldn't shake that weird feeling, no matter how occupied I tried to make myself, first going on our families slow as shit computer and then attempting to play my PSP. But none of it worked.

With a sigh, I tossed my PSP to the side after I lost another battle in the game, and only on level 2! Something was really off, but I couldn't put my finger on it... I sat up and tried to think about what it was, but all I could think about was how noiseless it was. A small shiver escaped my body, and I limped slowly to the fridge for a beer. My eyes watered a bit as the burning drink went down, but I ignored it as I chugged the rest of it down. Maybe that would help me stop feeling so weird.

Though the alcohol worked for a while, I started to feel cooped up in my small house. I stole some money from my parents room in case I wanted something later, and pulled on a coat that was laying around. With a quick glance at the clock, which was glowing off the time of about two, I left the house, slamming the door behind me. Didn't bother to lock it, because besides alcohol and cigarettes, there wasn't one thing worth stealing.

Walking down the icy streets, I couldn't help but, if only for a moment, really enjoy life. Usually I'm always bitching on and on about how much it sucks, and I'm sorry that I do. Because there is a lot in life to look forward to, and some of them are even really small, like walking down slippery streets, getting little flakes of decorated snow in your hair as the world changes into a perfect winter scene in front of your eyes. Gusts of wind would send tufts of white flying into the air, flowing around and then landing softly like a blanket on the ground again, while pieces of ice fall from the sky shimmering brightly as the sun would shine out between breaks in the gray clouds in the sky. The air was frosty and cold, yet you couldn't help but like how the air felt frozen in your mouth, then left warm and hazy.

A light smile graced my lips as I continued on my walk across the town. I didn't really care where I was heading, I was just following my heart's instincts as I watched the world around me turn into something new. My feet took me down tons of streets and corners, walking past shops and buildings, yet I never had the erge to run inside and free myself from the cool winds.

Though it only felt like I had been wandering for a few minutes, I soon found myself standing outside the high school. All the happiness I had been feeling seemed to wisp away from me with the next burst of wind, and I only stared up at it in mild surprise. Who knew, that with all the drifting around I did, I would come right back to the place I ran from just the day before? Shaking my head, I began walking away when I heard my name being called over the wind. "Kenny?"

At first I thought I was going insane, and continued walking, but then I heard it being called again, even louder this time. I turned around slowly, and felt my heart dropping to my stomach when I saw who it was. How come, no matter how much I try to get away from this guy, he always found me? It was like he was my stalker... Or maybe Lady Luck was truly a bitch. He ran to me quickly, stopping about a arms length away.

"Kenny?" He asked again, as if I was a ghost or something. I snickered inwardly at that, but kept my face composed outwardly. "Yeah?" I coughed out in a croaky voice, my voice feeling a little numb from the cold. Kyle's green eyes narrowed slightly as he stared up at my face, and for a few seconds it was fine, but then it started feeling awkward. "Uhm..." I began, but he beat me to it.

"What are the hell are you doing here?" I flinched a bit at his tone of voice, but then forced myself to calm down. I tilted my head to the side in confusion as I responded. "What do you mean?" His eyes narrowed even more, almost in an alright glare. "I _mean_that you weren't here at all today, but now you decide to show the fuck up?" Glancing to the side, half my brain was wondering if I could make a break for it while the other half was confused at his anger. "I was sick...", I whispered hoarsely, coughing again into my glove.

He threw his hands up in the air and rolled his eyes angrily. "OH, so your sick! And now your outside in the cold! You're a dipshit, Kenny! What if you get a fever or something!" He tittered on about my health, and I relaxed as I understood that I mistook his anger as concern. It still confused me why he wasn't really mad at me or at least disgusted because of what I did yesterday, yet I didn't really want to bring it up. So instead I directed the conversation towards him, to take the thought off of my mind. "Which reminds me... What are you doing out here Kyle?"

He didn't even freeze for a second, instead just flowing his words right on through. "My class got out a little early, and I dropped something out earlier... I found it just before you showed up, and- HEY! Don't try walking away from me!" He snagged the back of my coat and tugged me back into my spot. "Jeez, can't you be a little more gentle?" I wheezed, beginning to shudder from the cold. "When were you out here earlier anyways?" A look of panic flitted across his face, but was gone again in a moment. "No reason really. Woah, your shaking! Let's go inside, I have to get my stuff anyway."

I followed him numbly inside, blocking most of his babbling out. I was curious about why he had looked freaked out about that simple question, and I knew that I would have to ask him later. But for now, I didn't want to push him into a bad position, where he might get angry at me. I knew that I needed to bring up what happened though yesterday, because as much as I would love to dance around the subject, I needed to get it out of the way now, instead of it getting pulled out in an ugly situation later.

While Kyle was pulling his books out of his locker, I was still wondering how to bring it up in the best way possible. After a while though, I just decided to blindly shoot at it. "Uh... Kyle?" I asked slowly, trying to drag out time. He must of noticed my slow manner too, because he sent me a questioning look before responding. "Yeah?" He mumbled as he stuffed things into his black and green checkered backpack, his back facing me. "About yesterday..." His back tensed as he wanted for what I was going to say. "I'm sorry."

His voice bounced back at me a little muffled and completely empty of emotion. "What?" I gulped and let a string of words fly out of my mouth nervously, "I didn't mean to, and, um, can we please pretend that it never happened? I don't want things to get weird between us... Your my best friend, you know that?" I continued staring at the back of his coat, waiting for him to whip around and start yelling at me and telling me what a huge fag I was. Yet, he didn't do any of that. Instead, he straightened up and tossed his backpack over his shoulder before twisting around, most of his face being covered by his wavy bangs. "Ok. We can do that." He whispered, a smile forming on his lips in a tight line.

His smile looked off to me, but the fact that he forgave me so easily, made me overlook his strange attitude as we left the building. I felt relieved and bubbly, and prattled about random things to him, only dimly noticing how quiet he was being. We parted by his house, me smiling widely and him with his shiny green eyes duller then usually, but with a smile still on his face. So I didn't give it a second thought, but instead thought about how great the next day was going to be for all of us, and all the fun things that were going to happen.

If only I knew how stupid I really was back then...

* * *

The next morning I was up in two seconds flat after the alarm clock sounded. Kyle's forgiveness from yesterday was still pumping through my body, making me feel giddy and joyful. I was just so happy that he didn't hate me, that I couldn't help but have a mood that matched Butter's. I got ready for the day quickly, helped my mum make a small breakfast, and was actually out the door in time to make it to the bus. I even managed to have a decent conversation with Cartman for a while! This day was looking really looking great so far.

When Kyle and Stan marched on the bus, I could immediately tell something was wrong. Well, other then the whole cloud of awkward that followed the two of them together, the main reason was that Kyle didn't sit next to Stan on the bus. Everyone, including Cartman, was shocked to silence for a minute, until loud whispers broke out across the bus, filled with theories about why the two of them weren't sitting by each other like usual. Most of them were total bullshit, but when I started to prod Stan for information, he tried to punch me in the eye. Thank God he missed though, because that would have thrown a damper into my great mood. So I decided that Stan could screw himself, and I would ask Kyle about it at school later.

Sadly that plan didn't work, because when we pulled up to the school, I lost him in the crowd of people. I searched for a whole twenty minutes, but never even got a glimpse of him. Everyone I asked said they never saw him either. I was a bit pissed at that, but being the good little nerd he was, I knew that he wouldn't skip a class unless someone, like me, pushed him too. So I could always ask him in my first class.

Soon enough the bell rang and I shuffled into the class, and perked up immediately when I saw him sitting at his desk. "Kyle~!" He looked up blearily at me as I stole Bebe's chair and sat across from him. I widened my eyes and blinked at him innocently, but he only sighed and started messing with his work. "You know that you really suck at being inconspicuous, right Kenny?" I blinked once again, but this time only because I had no clue what he just said. I started to ask him about what had happened between him and Stan, but he smacked his hand over my mouth.

"Do you _know_how many people have asked me that already this morning? You would think that we were celebrities or something, the way people are acting." Curiosity was pricking at me though, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I licked his hand, and laughed when he pulled it back with a yelp. "But Kyle! Everyone wants to know! And you know, you two are kind of the celebrities of our school. You are always together, and now all of a sudden you aren't? I'm your second best friend, so you better tell me. Wait, am I your best friend now? Eh, anyways tell me!" I yelped on excitedly, ignoring Kyle's annoyed look. Of course though, the bell decided to ring right then. Kyle huffed as I continued to poke at him, until he snapped out, "All right! I'll tell you later! Just go to your seat so we don't get in trouble."

I retreated to my seat victorious, a wide grin spread out across my face. It stayed like that most of the class, until the teacher threatened to send me to the principle's office for being distracting. How could I help it if almost all the girls started swooning at my smile, and the teacher couldn't help but start staring? Nope, not my fault, but I knocked the smirk of my face anyways. The principle was a creepy pedophile who always touched my shoulders and 'accidently' slipping his hand on my chest or butt when I got sent to him.

To Kyle, 'later' must have meant way later in the day, because I didn't see him again until lunch. Sometimes I would get glimpses of him in the hallways, but the moment he noticed me he started to walk the other way. A frown started to take over my face instead of a grin, and my mood took a downwards spiral. Yet, at the same time I felt almost...happy, when I saw that Kyle and Stan weren't by each other. Is that weird or cruel? I mean, it's not like I want Kyle to be sad and alone, but... I really don't like Stan. At least that's what I think I'm feeling...

Lunch was like normal, if normal included only having three at a table instead of four, and one of those three being extremely quiet. I glanced at Kyle throughout lunch, and frowned at how lonely and small he looked. I hated him looking like that, especially because of _Stan_. I swear I'm gonna pound his face in after Kyle tells me what happened between them.

I began to leave after I finished eating, but Kyle grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom somewhere in the hallway. "Kyle?" He shushed me and sat on a desk, gesturing me to do the same. I sat on the one facing him, my eyes not leaving his face for one moment. His eyes looked confused and lost, and I wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be ok... But there was just to many things wrong with doing that.

"You wanna know what happened between Stan and me, right?" Kyle whispered, lifting his eyes up to meet mine. I nodded quickly, curiosity returning in a wave. He nodded back slowly, and looked down at the floor before continuing. "Remember yesterday, when you asked me why I had been outside earlier that day?" He waited for me to nod, and after I did so he carried on. "Well... That was because of Stan. He... Um, well he kind of... asked me out..." The last of his sentence got softer until it was breaking off into a whisper. My heart froze in my chest, and my body seemed to lock up. "What?" I heard myself ask faintly, yet all I could hear was the hollow dead pounding of my heart in my ears.

His voice drifted into my head as if from far away, yet I knew that he was only right in front of me. "Well, yesterday he asked me to skip class with him, and I did, you know? I do all the time with him, I didn't think anything weird was gonna happen. He was being more quiet than usual, but I thought that he was just tired or something. But when we got out there... He... said that we should go out. He said that we wouldn't _really _be going out, but we would just... mess around like that, or something. I-I freaked out on him, a-and I was confused and scared. I mean, he was my best friend, yet I didn't even know that he w-was interested in guys like that! He said that he wasn't really gay or whatever, but he wanted to t-test things out. So, what am I then? A-A plaything?" He broke off in small sobs, and I slipt off my table and sat right next to him.

"Hey...Kyle, look at me." When he didn't turn I cupped a hand around his face and turned it towards me. Small tears were flowing from his eyes, and my heart was breaking at how lost he looked. I used my thumb to wipe away his tears, and pulled him into a little hug. "If you need to cry, just go ahead, I won't tell anyone." I whispered into his ear, and even though I couldn't hear him sobbing, I soon felt a wet spot on my shoulder and his back shaking slightly. I rubbed his back in small circles and hushed small words into his ears as he wept. Too soon though, he pulled back from me, and wiped the leftover tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry Kenny... I couldn't hold it in anymore." I smiled lightly and rubbed his back one more time before hopping off the table and standing beside him. "It's ok, really. But... What are you going to do now?" I asked softly, hoping with all my heart for something that even I wasn't sure of. A muffled hysterical laugh broke out of his lips and he shook his head smiling before replying. "I'm not sure... But I think I'm going to give it a shot. Even he said that we wouldn't really be going out, so I can't get hurt. It'd be helping him too, so that would be good." My chest stung painfully, but I smiled tightly and nodded my head quickly, trying to keep tears from watering in my own eyes. He looked almost as happy as I did, and I wondered if he was feeling the same way I was.

A knock sounded on the door, and a voice echoed from behind it. "Kyle, are you in there?" Hearing Stan's voice only made me feel worse, but I pushed Kyle lightly towards the door. "Go." I whispered, only because I knew that if I talked louder my voice would break into a sob. He nodded slowly, his dark green eyes boring into mine as he stepped into the light of the door and into the arms of Stan, leaving me behind in the dark, eyes watering slightly.

Though I knew it was for the best, my heart still seemed to shatter as I watched him walk away from me.

* * *

**I'm almost at 20 reviews! Please help me get to, and get over, 20! The first person that reviews for this chapter, I will dedicate the next chapter to them. :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Everto Tenshi for two reasons. First off, he was the first to review to last chapter and second is that he helped me with my Summary too. So thank you!**

**Thank you everyone else for reviewing too, and please continue to do so! I finally have gotten over 20 reviews! Let's see if I can get to thirty! :D**

**Hehe... Now that that's out of the way... This is an extremely dark chapter... Don't go hating on me please! D:**

* * *

It's been two weeks since Kyle and Stan started dating. At first it didn't seem like much had changed at all, but as the days went on I started to notice changes. Once they only sat side by side, maybe Stan sneaking Kyle looks here and there, or them touching each other more then normal. Then Stan started to make more moves, rubbing Kyle's leg under the table, or pulling him out of class to make out in the bathroom.

It made me furious to see him doing things like that, yet I had no reason for it or a person to aim it at. So I held it all inside, smiling on the outside until after school, then resorting to my 'jobs' to take out all the feelings I had. I had to wear long sleeves and jeans to hide all the bruises over my body, and had to be seriously careful to not let anyone see it in the locker rooms.

Not that anyone would have cared or been curious. The one person who really might have was too busy sucking lip with a jackass, leaving me behind in the dust trying to figure out what the hell has happened to my life.

I didn't get to see Kyle as much as I wanted to, so the rare moments that I did get were treasured. Not that he would ever know that, and I didn't plan on telling him anytime soon. For now, I was just letting life come at me and not try to mess the delicate balance by adding my own messed up feelings and thoughts to the equation.

So life was actually pretty good, if you ignore how much pain I was inside. There was no true drama, no people in absolute misery or others trying to cause a riot, so life was well. But all good things never last, and if only I had known what was going to happen in the very near future. If I had known... I would have changed my words, controlled my actions and would have walked away from those two.

But I didn't do that. You wanna know why I couldn't just walk away from Stan and Kyle, though they seemed perfectly happy?

It's because I'm a fucking jackass too.

* * *

"Kyyyle." I whined, leaning back in my chair and throwing my books onto the table in disgust. "I don't get this at all. Can we _please_ stop now?"

At the moment we were in the schools library, Kyle finishing up some of his homework and attempting to teach me how to do my math problems. Though he must have known that no good would ever come from it, he still hadn't given up, even after a half an hours worth.

Rolling his eyes he brushed a piece of hair behind his ear and pushed the math book back into my hands. "This is easy Kenny! Look, all you have to do is..." He rambled on about the steps to solving the problems, but honestly, I don't remember a word he said. My attention was solely distracted by that piece of hair that he had tucked behind his ear. The way it slightly curled around his ear, then waved back towards his face was hypnotic in a strange way. I'd never before really looked at Kyle's hair, but inspecting it now, I noticed how different it was compared to the way it was when he was younger. Back then it was coarse and puffy, never wanting to work with what others wanted it to do. Now it looked soft and light, spiraling down in waves instead of puffy curls like before.

It glistened brightly under the liabraries lights, a color not quiete red but not a simple dull brown either. It looked so soft and fluffy, so much that I couldn't controll my hand when it reached out to grab one of the locks lightly. His hair _was_as soft as it looked, feeling a bit like the silk blankets that rich people's baby's get after returning from the hospital. I continued to stroke the piece of the hair slowly, moving on to another piece of hair before Kyle interrupted me.

"Uh... Kenny?" I snapped out of my thoughts to see him looking up at me in confusion. "Huh?" I asked back dumbly, my hand stilling from petting his hair. "Um... Why are you touching my hair?" My eyes widened slightly as I really realized what I was doing, and I snatched my hand back like I had been burned. I felt my face getting a little hot, but smiled at him instead and muttered something stupidly about spacing out. He started laughing at that, and said that we had done enough homework for one day.

I was almost out the door when Kyle stopped me. "Hey Ken! Wait for a second!" I winced at that old nickname, and turned around annoyed. "Don't call me that Kyle!" He laughed again before saying, "What? It's better then being called Barbie isn't it?" I rolled my eyes and huffed, muttering cursed under my breathe at him. He packed his things slowly, only adding on to my annoyance, giggling the whole time. Once he finally had his things, we continued out the door.

"Want to go to my house today?" I did a double take at his words before blinking at him in disbelief, Kyle stuffing books into his backpack with an amused expression on his face. "Wait, is this true?" I said, a sarcastic smirk growing on my face, "Is the _oh so amazing_Kyle inviting me over to his house? This can not be, where did the real Kyle go, you impostor!" A got a smack on the arm for my comments, but I only laughed it off. He gave me a friendly glare before replying in the same fashion that I did, "Why yes Kenny! It is true, the _amazing and wonderful_ Kyle is inviting the _not so amazing and wonder_-OW!" I had pushed him into the wall for his sarcasm too.

We laughed the whole way to the exit, occasionally pushing each other into other people, and then giggling even harder over the looks on their faces once they positioned themselves again. The easy fun ended once we accidentally pushed Tweek into a locker, and an angry Craig came chasing us down the hallways.

I was still laughing hysterically as we dashed out the doors and around the corner. "Run Kyle! The big bad Craig is gonna get us!" I yelled out to him, mocking Craig as he began to fall behind us so much that there was no way he could catch up. We jumped into a bush and waited for a few minutes until we really decided that he had given up.

In the end, I decided to go to Kyle's house, seeing as I didn't really have much better things to do. Plus, I was really having fun, and that was such a rare and great thing for me now a days. I could just forget the thousands of thoughts bouncing around in my head and laugh at anything and everything with Kyle. My face was starting to hurt from smiling so much, but I was having so much fun with him at his house that I couldn't stop.

We messed around for a while, just hanging around downstairs, yelling at the football game on the TV and eating random things from Kyle's fridge. Though soon enough we made our way up to Kyle's room and began to play video games on his X-Box.

"UGH!" I screamed in frustration, throwing the controller down at the floor. "You're cheating Kyle!" I whipped around accusing him. He blinked at me groggily from his spot on the bed, a small smile creeping on his face. "Really?" He whispered to me, waving one of his hands in the air in an arch. "Try and prove it."

I really wish that I could've blamed Kyle solely on what happened next, but he can't control my actions. This was completely my fault, no matter how much I can try and pin it on others. This last act would tip us over the edge, setting our destinies in place for the finale incident. It's not the act itself that was so bad, but what the act set up to happen in the near future.

Maybe it was the hot white anger flashing through me that caused me to do it, or possibly the way he was positioned so suggestively. But excuses don't change what I did.

He was sprawled out across the bed, his shirt ridding up to show off his well-toned stomach, glowing slightly from the light of the TV in the dark room. His shorts let you see his legs, but cut off suddenly right before they met, leaving a hungry taste in my mouth. His hair was curling around his face, his eyes shining brightly in the dim light, flickering unknown emotions across them. And his lips... They were so pink and full, parted slightly as words whispered across them. I just couldn't take it.

I jumped on top of him, straddling his hips and devouring his lips against mine. It wasn't soft or gentle, and I felt a bit guilty for that, but a deep hunger was ripping inside of me, needing to be satisfied _NOW_. My skin was burning where it touched his, my mouth moving away from his lips and going towards his soft neck, my hands gliding across his body, touching everywhere it could. The moment my lips touched his neck, I was pushed off of him.

His lips were bright red from the kisses, and though lust was visible in his eyes, a firm and cold look was there too. For a moment, the heavy haze seemed to lift, but when he licked his lips it returned in a heated wave again.

"Kenny, what are you doing?" He was panting as he looked up at me, and I started to lean towards his lips again when he pushed me up again. I felt a whine leave my mouth as I was denied from the kiss. Annoyed I replied snappily, "Isn't it pretty fucking obvious?" Thinking that was a good enough answer, I moved towards his lips before being thrashed away _again._ My patience was thinning quickly, and I wanted Kyle NOW.

Kyle glared at me, and shook his head quickly. "You should fucking know that's not what I meant. I'm dating Stan now, Kenny. So why the fuck are you doing this," he motioned to the position we were in, "to me? There better be a good reason." He placed his hand on my chest, making sure that I couldn't lean down again.

Right then everything clicked together. I liked Kyle. Shit, how the fuck had I not noticed that? Sure, I'd always been attracted to him, but I thought that was normal for a hormonal run teen with a hot best friend. Oh my god, what have I done? He... I... Oh god... Why hadn't I figured it out earlier? That the reason I hated Stan wasn't just because of his lousy attitude, but because I was jealous? Oh FUCK, I just kissed Kyle. _I _just kissed _Kyle_. What was I going to do? I couldn't let him know, it would ruin everything, more then I had just done. I needed... I have to get out NOW, before I fuck everything up more.

I lept off of Kyle as fast as possible, sprinting out of his bedroom, and almost was down the stairs when I was slammed against the wall. My ears were ringing and tears formed in my eyes, as my heart beat in pure panic at all the things going on. Kyle had both of his hands on either side of my head, blocking me from running away, his face hard as he stared at me. I looked away from him, anywhere at all, as long as I didn't have to look at his eyes. His hands brushed my head, and GOD, my heart was beating so fast. It was beating so fast I thought I was about to have a heart attack. Stop it, Stop IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP-

"Kenny." I still refused to look into his eyes, and tried to get out of his arms, but he grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the wall again. Tears were slipping from my eyes and I couldn't stop them from flowing. He forced my face to turn to his, and his eyes didn't waver at all at the fact that I was crying. My shoulders were shaking slightly, but he only gripped them tighter until I locked eyes with him.

Kyle's voice was cold and even when he spoke, not a flicker of his usual friendliness left in it. "If you walk away from me now without an answer, I won't forgive you. Now ANSWER ME," his voice was gaining volume as he continued his sentence, "Why did you just do that!"

My vision was growing blurry and my voice was straining painfully as I was unsuccessfully attempting to hold back sobs from escaping my mouth. I shook my head harshly, refusing to answer his question. If I told him how I felt, it would mess everything up. Nothing ever good would happen to me, because every time I came into a story, the people involved with me would be cursed with bad luck. I tainted everything I came into contact with, and if I really loved Kyle, I had to let him go. I couldn't dirty him, I just couldn't.

I broke out of Kyle's arms, and slammed the door shut behind me. The noise resonated loudly in the empty house, almost as if signing the deal for a contract.

In a way it was, because that would be the last time I entered Kyle's house for a very long time.

* * *

We didn't talk at all the next day. For me, it just hurt to much to even think of him, let alone watch him kiss Stan and be so close, yet _so so_ far from me. My heart became so shattered, that I became used to the constant pain that followed me throughout the day. But that day turned into another day, then a week, then two weeks. And my heart never did heal from all that pain.

I walked alone most of the time, because my mood was so depressing, that not even Butters could put up with it. Cartman was sick of my shit, and told me daily, but never tried to help me. I couldn't even bring myself to care though.

Craig came up to me after school one day, a sinister smile stretched out across his face, but I didn't care about him and his mood swings anymore. I just wanted him to get out what ever he wanted to say, and leave me the fuck alone...

"Well, hello there Kenny." He said, wrapping a skinny arm around my shoulders as he directed me through the hallways. "You'd be surprised to see what dirt I have on you... I think that I shall get quite a nice price for this one." He grinned lazily, pulling out a picture with smooth grace. I squinted as my vision adjusted on the picture. My heart stopped for a moment when I noticed what it was of. It was a picture of Kyle and I in the janitors closet from that one day a long time ago. I sighed sadly, and removed Craig's shoulder from me. "Do what you want with it."

His eyes widened as I walked away from him without even a glance back. "That's it Kenny! You don't care if I post this all over the fucking place?" I flipped him off sluggishly as I tottered away towards the exit. As soon as I was outside, I pulled out a cigarette and stared up at the gray sky. My life was so fucked up now. I didn't know what to do...

Feeling a small craving from the relief of a smoke, I pulled out my lighter, but at that exact moment it started to rain. I flipped off the sky, deciding that God really did hate my existence.

Running back inside, I ran straight into the person I hadn't talked to for weeks. Kyle staggered back and was about to scream at me, until he noticed who I was. My mood plummeted even more, and I cursed at God more inside my head as Kyle opened and closed his mouth trying to find words.

Finally he just gave up, and glared at me with hate in his eyes as he passed by me. Deciding that I had nothing more to lose, I grabbed onto Kyle's sleeve stopping him from leaving. "Stop...Please." I whispered, almost surprised by how desperate I sounded. He turned around curtly, his eyes absolutely cold as his green eyes meet my blue ones. "I-I'm sorry..." I let go of his sleeve, dropping my head so my bangs covered my eyes. "I messed up again, and... Is there anyway I can make it up to you?"

Kyle's face stayed completely neutral as I tried to apologize lamely. After I did, he only shook his head in disgust, "You don't get it do you Kenny? You just don't fucking get it."

He stormed out the door into the rain, and I followed right behind me. "What do you mean, Kyle! I'll make it up to you, and I won't try to do something like that again, so just..." He continued to walk on, not turning around once. "LISTEN TO ME KYLE! Don't just run away!" I screamed at his back as he walked onto the edge of the road in front of the school. He turned around suddenly, rage distorting his face. "Running away, huh! Just like you did Kenny, so don't get so fucking mad at me, you hypocrite." The rain was pounding down now, soaking both of us to the core, and making it hard to see each other.

"I'm not running now Kyle! So tell me what the fuck you want me to do!" Kyle took another step onto the street, but this time when he replied there wasn't anger in his voice. "I broke up with Stan." My heart completely stopped at those words. "What?" I managed to say, even though inside I felt frozen. He lifted his face to meet my eyes, water dripping down his face, making it look as if he was weeping. "You heard me," his voice didn't sound exactly angry, but it was becoming louder again, "I broke up with my boyfriend. Do you wanna know why Kenny? Do you really fucking want to know?"

He pointed to me and said, "It's because of you." He must of seen the confusion written across my face because he laughed harshly, a sarcastic rage sweeping back into his voice. "I'm fucking in love with the whore of the town, isn't that sad? I could've been happy with Stan, he was great to me, but I couldn't get you out of my fucking head. What makes it worse though, is you. Maybe I could've gotten over my feelings for you, but you just keep messing with my mind. One second you're all over me and then the next you're saying that it was a mistake, that you never meant to do it. I can't take it anymore Kenny, so leave me the fuck alone."

I was speechless as I tried to process all his words. Kyle was in love... with me? Instead of feeling happy, a desperate and aching feeling came over me, and I knew that I had to act now or I would lose the one thing that I really needed in this world to feel like I was worth something.

Kyle was halfway across the street when I called to him. "KYLE! Wait!" His head started to turn towards me, a hopeful look brightening in his eyes, when the world fell to hell.

I would give anything to take back those words, to make it so that I never called out to him, so that he would have walked away from me just like that. Then it would have been over, none of this would have had to happen.

Because at that moment when I called to Kyle, and he stopped to face me, a bus had turned around the corner. The rain was falling so hard and thick, that by the time the bus slammed on it's brakes, it was too late.

At 1:44 P.M. in the middle of December in South Park, Kyle Broflovski was hit head on by a bus, right in front of my eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well... I updated! :) Ha... I swear some of you were about to kill me last chapter...**

**This is a really bad filler chapter, and I'm sorry. :( I will try to write the real chapter in which things really happen, before Christmas. It will be my present to all of you!**

**I suck at writing... Ugh, but right now I'm to tired to care. Anyways, please read and review like usual.**

**Thank you all my amazing reviewers for helping me get to 30 reviews! I've got only a few more chapters to go until this story is finished, so I hope you continue to like it till the end. :D**

* * *

I never heard the sirens coming. Maybe, in the last sane part in my brain, I knew what was going on, that I knew what it all meant. But where I was, at that moment, the world was a blur.

Red. That's the one thing that really struck out in the hazy field of vision that I had. The bus light was glowing a pale blue onto the street, cutting through the darkness that the clouds created, making all the scarlet burn on the road. It was heavy and slick, splattered across the ground like a crimson trail. It was everywhere... Staining the snow for several feet, until it ended at a mass farther down the road.

I couldn't think. Deep down, I knew that I should have been moving, that I should of been _screaming, _but I couldn't think at all. My eyes were stinging, a warm liquid streaming down my face, but I didn't know why.

Time was frozen. There was no sounds there, just snow falling thickly down across the world. My breathe came out in frosty puffs, floating above to somewhere far away. Somewhere that _he_ might be.

Who? Though my mind was completely blank, my body had snapped out of it's daze and was stumbling onto the road, following the red trail. My lips were mumbling the same word over and over, each time my heart pounding a little faster, yet, twisting painfully also.

"Kyle." It slipped out so easily, whispering across my lips like a song. "Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, KYLE!"

I was screaming by the point I met the end of the trail. A large bundle was sprawled out, covered in that hideous color. I knew what it was... It was... _him._

More tears streamed down my face as I reached a hesitated hand towards him. Pulling him around, bile rose in my throat as I got a good look at his form. All the red made it hard to know where it was really coming from though...

Bile burned up my throat as the last bit of shock wore off. This wasn't just some red shit. It was _blood_. _Kyle's _blood. All the years of dying and getting hurt should of made me used to the dark substance, yet knowing it was his made it so much worse. My stomach took a sudden turn, and I turned away just in time before everything came up.

I laid there trembling by Kyle, vomit, blood and tears all mixing on the ground. I should of felt disgusted, but the pain in my chest overcame the rest of the nausea in me. Kyle was in pain, Kyle could be _dead,_ and all I could was sit there bawling instead of helping him?

A sob tore out of my throat as I realized the answer to that. I was pathetic. I should of been on the ground there, instead of Kyle. Kyle was perfect, he didn't deserve any of this. Why? Why, why, why, why, why, WHY? It shouldv'e been me...

Crying even harder now, I pulled myself back to him, gazing closely at his poor self. His body was torn and battered, and his face was a pale and sickly color, all of the glow it had was gone. His eyes were shut, and for a heart stopping moment, I thought he was already gone. I lowered my head by his mouth slowly, praying to _God _that he was alive. A slow and shaky breathe met my ear, much weaker than it ever should be. But that was all I needed for now to know there was hope.

Cradling his body gently, I laid my head down on his chest, listening to his fluttering heart beat, and just waited. There was nothing I could do, and all the praying and hoping in the world wasn't going to help him now. I could only wait.

I don't know who called the ambulance. Most likely it was the man who was driving the bus, but it just might have well been a random person passing by at that time. It didn't matter to me. All I knew was at one moment a broken Kyle was in my arms and in the next he was being taken away by people I didn't know. Red and blue lights were flashing all around, dazing me and slowing down my reaction to intake what was going on.

I tried to take him back, because all the promises of the doctors weren't enough to keep me away from him. But even with all my protests, they wouldn't let me in the ambulance. They said it was _safer_if I wasn't there. They said everything would be ok...

They sped off quickly, leaving me behind in the crimson snow, any sense of reality ripped away from me. They took Kyle away, and I couldn't be with him.

All I could do was wait.

* * *

In the end, the bus driver gave me a drive to the hospital. Once I might have found this ironic, but not with Kyle, not with what was happening. If I had been the one dying, I would've laughed myself to Hell, but I wasn't. Kyle wasn't like me, he was normal. Only one life, and once it was gone there was a little less light and happiness in this world. Then I would be alone.

Tears threatened to spill over again, but I rubbed them away before they could form. The white walls surrounding me shined dully in the florescent light, leaving me with no sense of peace. The hard wooden bench I sat on teetered back and forth as I fidgeted nervously. I had been waiting for an hour outside his room, and with every passing moment the outcome kept looking worse. No one had told me anything yet, only leaving me to think of the worst possible endings.

Another sigh was escaping my lips when the doorway from the visitors entrance slammed open. I jumped up, expecting someone with news, but instead I met a flurry of black before a fist cracked across my jaw. "What the hell!" I screeched, falling backwards onto the floor. Glaring up, my eyes widened when they reached Stan's stormy grey eyes. His face was discomformed with rage, his whole body shaking as he looked down upon me. There is no word in this whole world that would be able to describe the look in those eyes. Even though I had visited Hell several times, there was never a look that murderous there.

His voice came out shaky and uneven as he fought to control himself, "You... SON OF A BITCH!" His fist whipped through the air again, and I rolled off to the side only just in time. "Calm down, Stan!" His leg shot out and kicked me in the stomach so hard that I flew back into the wall behind me. All the air had been knocked out of me, and I laid panting as he screamed at me. "CALM DOWN! You expect me to CALM DOWN for you! You," My vision blurred when he kicked me in the chest, a small moan escaping through my tight lips. "the one who killed my best friend!"

I tried pushing myself up, but he grabbed my head and slammed it against the wall. Tears leaked out of my eyes as black spots swarmed across my eyes. It took me several times to wheeze out what I wanted to say, "I... didn't do it. I loved him, Stan, I wouldn't ever..." He slapped me across the face, cutting me off from the rest of my sentence. "No. You don't have the right to say that, Kenny. You are just a whore. A fucking sick, murdering, dirty, whore. No one," His grip on my hair tightened, and I let out a pained whimper, "will ever love you. Kyle was too good for someone like you, and if he dies, _I swear to God_ that I will kill you."

Stan spit on my face, before tearing a chunk of my hair out and storming out of the building, leaving the door wide open in his wake. A cold blast of snowy air blew through it, but I was shaking too much already to pay attention to it. I squeezed my eyes shut, and huddled as much as I could next to the wall.

_"You are just a whore. A fucking sick, murdering, dirty whore." _I crushed my hands over my ears, trying to force the terrible words out of my head, but the more I tried to block them out, the more they flooded through. _"You, the one who killed my best friend!" _

Tears flooded down my face as thousands of sentences like that echoed in my head over and over, on an endless roll. I hated myself... because every word Stan said was true.

A loud buzzing noise emitted from Kyle's room, breaking me out of my thoughts. I jumped up from my place on the floor, and used the wall to keep myself up, even though dizziness was weighing me down. The noise stopped as the door creaked open slowly.

My heart was peircing my chest as a stream of doctors came flowing out into the waiting area, not one stopping to even glance my way. One last man closed the door behind me and let out a weary sigh before turning my way. His middle aged tan face ,which looked used to smiling and laughter, was worn down with weariness. I swallowed nervously as he opened his mouth to speak.

"You may want to sit down, kid... I've got a lot to tell you."


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N:**Hey guys... I'm going to say some sorries first and then write the rest of my authors note._

_-1. I'm sorry that it took so long to update this chapter. I was lazy and then when I finally got around to writing it, I didn't like it. I still don't like it. I think I really screwed it up. 2. I'm sorry about last chapter, I should've included it into this one, instead of making it a stupid little filler. 3. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to a person's review. I'm not perfect and I can't remember everything. So sorry if I didn't. 3. Sorry for this chapter. In general. 4. Sorry that this is in italics instead of bold. I wanted my question to stand out._

_In response to tolazytolongin: I'm sorry that I made you cry! But it's also nice to hear that you liked it that much! :D By the way, I love Paramore! That song is a really sad one, but also really pretty too._

**_Mmmkay,_**_** now that that's out of the way... I'm in a bit of a pickle here people**._** Here's the real question: Should Kyle live, or should he die? **_I** would like to hear your answer for that, and I may or may not do it the way you want. I can take this story either way at this point, and I don't know what I want to do. Maybe some sleep would help me with that...**_

_So please review with your answer and comments about this really shitty chapter. Sorry that I'm being kind of rude up here, I'm extremely tired right now, and I've spent the past three hours writing this chapter that I ended up not even liking. ANYWAYS, it's nice to hear your comments._

* * *

Everything really was my fault. I should never have even tried to talk to Kyle again. I just should've left him alone... He was happy right? He was with Stan, they were ok. Kyle would've fell in love with him in the end. They would've been fine... But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't let Kyle be happy. I couldn't just stand there as he was with someone else, someone who wasn't _me._

Why couldn't I have left them alone?

* * *

Adonis Hudson. That was the name of the doctor who had been taking care of Kyle. Such a plain, and almost simple name, one that would slip your mind the moment it entered. But that name was one that I would come to remember as I saw it more often than I would ever want. That simple name was one that would bring me much news in the future, whether I wanted to hear it or not. He would bring me pain, happiness, and in the end, much agony. But I never hated him.

He was the doctor who had the painful job of sitting across from me that night of the accident, trying to tell me what was happening. I guess I'm grateful for that fact, though at the time I wasn't even close to that...

"What do mean?" My voice was quiet and shaky, as if it wasn't my own. That was what everything felt like at least, a never ending nightmare.

Doctor Hudson looked at me silently, annoyance and sympathy both dancing in his eyes. His voice came out weak like mine, but probably from working and not from worry. "Listen... This is hard enough without you understanding. I'll try to put it simply, alright? It may come out a bit blunt though..."

I only stared back at him, any tears I had cried were long gone now. It's not that I didn't want to cry... It was just that none of this felt real anymore. Maybe after the doctor finished speaking, I would wake up. Then I could see Kyle again at school, and maybe he wouldn't be mad at me. Everything would still be normal.

But that was just a ton of bull shit.

"Alright then... I'll take that as an okay." The doctor looked down at Kyle's medical sheets, before rubbing his eyes and sighing. "Kyle Broflovski, age 16, is now in stable, but extremely serious condition. That could change either way tonight, for better or worse. I suppose... this isn't really what you want to hear at the moment. But it needed to be said before I continue to his injuries..."

His gray eyes bored into mine, waiting for a response. My mouth was as dry as sandpaper, and I coughed dryly when I tried to reply. I nodded numbly instead, wondering why that mattered. I already knew that Kyle was hurt, and I knew that he might... not be so great. God, that was such a pussy thought. Why couldn't I just say it as it was?

Maybe because then I would really know it wasn't a dream. Then I would have to face the facts that Kyle could be...

Doctor Hudson winced at the sound of my coughs, but mostly ignored them as he flipped through the sheets he had sitting on his lap. "As you know, Mr. Broflovski was hit by a bus in front of the South Park High School earlier today. Luckily, the bus had only been going 15 miles per hour, so the collusion wasn't as bad as it could have been. The impact threw Kyle several feet into the air before skidding across the ground, coming to a stop..."

My breathe was coming out harshly, and I was fighting the urge to punch the man. Why the hell was he telling me this! I was there, I didn't want to have to re-live it again! To see his green eyes look at me before the bus...

"Er, I'm really sorry for saying that again. I heard that you were there... I just needed to confirm that quickly, before continuing on..." The doctor's face grew softer as he saw me shaking, and his voice took on a kinder tone to it. "I know that I'm not being the most sincere here, kid. And I really am sorry for that... I don't speak to patience's family or friends often. I... Just make sure people stay alive, I don't deal with the explanations. But I'll try to do better, if you try to understand, alright?"

I nodded once again, my bodies shaking calming down a bit. I only wanted to see Kyle, but I knew that I needed to listen. I needed to know so I could prepare my self, because I saw what happend, and I knew that things weren't going to be pretty.

Because Kyle was fighting for his life in there, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do but understand why.

"He has several broken bones... When the bus hit him, it didn't just throw him into the air. It broke his hip, shoulder, and several of his ribs... But when he came back down, he landed completely on his right side, and it cracked his leg and arm there too..." He trailed off quietly, sighing heavily as he looked into my eyes. "That's only on the outside though. When things like this happen, it doesn't only damage the bones on the outside, it can hurt your inside's also... Basically, Kyle is dealing with a shit ton of internal bleeding right now."

Time finally was starting to catch up to me then. My eyes were still drier than they had ever been, and my emotions were a jumbled mess. Things weren't good, I understood that. I may not be the smartest person around, but I was never an idiot. The doctor was trying to tell me to not get my hopes up. But I couldn't promise that I wouldn't.

"Can... Can I see him?" I sounded tired and strained, and I was sure that if I saw my reflection, I would look the same too. "Or... Do I still need to wait?"

"I don't know if you will want to see him... I'm only warning you, but if you still want to, then I can let you inside. But kid... He isn't conscious right now. We don't know when he will be either... His body is dealing with a lot right now, and it's healthier if he's asleep."

"Wait." I rose out of my chair, and looked down at the doctor. "Are you saying that he's in a coma? That shit is just on TV, right? He's just going to sleep for a day or so, and then wake up? He'll be fine soon..." I knew that I was right the first time. The doctor didn't even have to say a word. He only looked into my blue eyes sadly, and rose out of his chair too. Resting a hand on my shoulder, he directed me to Kyle's door and gave me a small business card.

"I don't know how long you are going to be here kid, but you seem pretty close to Kyle... So when you leave the hospital and need to get back in, just show them that, and they will let you back in right away. By the way... What's your name and phone number? I'll call your parents and let them know that you're here."

In a daze, I quickly told him what he wanted to know, and he nodded before walking away silently through the exit. Silence reached my ears as the door clicked shut. It was like none of that had even happened. Like I was still waiting for news about Kyle.

But the little slip of paper in my hand told diffrently, and looking down at it gave me a whole new wave of strength. Things were going to be okay.

I let a small smile grow on my face as I opened Kyle's hospital door. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me before facing the room I was in.

I almost didn't recognize him. His small body was wrapped in bandages and casts, most hidden under a blue hospital gown. Some of them were stained red, glistening slickly in the pale white lighting of the lamps. His skin was glowing the same color, all the tan from summer gone. As if all the color had been sucked away...

Brown. That was his hair now. It was dull and lifeless, all the brightness of the past gone. Not one curl remained in it, as it was all pressed down flatly against the pillow. This wasn't the Kyle I knew. It was a stranger. A stranger who took his name and face, and changed every trait he held so strongly.

His face was so peaceful... I had never seen such a calm look on one's face before. It was as if he had just fallen asleep and was lost in dreams. Dreams were no one fought and he could be proud of everything he was. Dreams... But I knew better. He wasn't sleeping, and that look wasn't just peace.

Kyle was dying.

* * *

I broke down then. I cried until there was nothing left to cry, and even then my eyes watered. I finally understood that this was all painfully real. There was no waking up from reality, no matter how much I wished there was.

I left Kyle there. I wanted to be strong, to stay by his side, but I couldn't. I just wasn't perfect.

Stan came back when I was leaving. He saw my tears and grabbed onto my arm softly before I could walk out the doors. His face was hard, yet his eyes showed all the pain he was going through. The same pain I was. But he was a stronger person than I ever was, and maybe he could do what I couldn't. Maybe he could stay with Kyle.

"Kenny... Is he... Is he okay? Are _you _okay?" He whispered sadly, and I almost laughed sarcastically. Why now? Why does he blame me before, but now asks me these things? If he punched and screamed at me, I could handle it. But I couldn't handle the softness in his voice.

"Go find out for yourself Stan. As for me, you shouldn't care. I'm the murderer, remember?" A cold rage was in my voice, as much as I tried to keep it back. Kyle wouldn't want that. He would want me being nice to Stan. But I couldn't...

I ripped my arm out of his hand, and slammed the door behind me. Stan's last words still drifted out though, before I could block them out.

"I'm sorry..."

* * *

I didn't come back. I wanted to, oh _god_, you wouldn't believe how much I wanted to, but I couldn't. I needed to do what I hadn't before, to leave Kyle alone.

Stan stayed. He stayed by Kyle's side when I couldn't, never leaving his side unless he had to, and at those times he got others to be with Kyle. I really was thankful for that, though I never did tell him. He stayed with Kyle for a day, then two days, three, four...

Kyle didn't wake up. He stayed happily asleep, never waking from his dreams. I called the doctor a few times over the days, but he said the same thing each time. Kyle's body was healing, and he was still unconcious. He told me to come back and see him, that maybe talking to him would pull him out of his state. That wasn't possible though. If Stan's voice didn't work, why the hell would mine?

Those days turned into a week, then that week into another. School was a blur, the few times I went to it. Mostly I just stayed home and slept though. School was just to hard to go to, because everything I saw reminded me of him. But maybe my dreams were worse, because he filled them every where.

I was going crazy. My own mind was betraying me, something that had never happened before. I got skinnier over the two weeks from not eating very much, and my throat pitifully from not being used. I didn't talk anymore. I just sat there and watched as life went by in a blur. I wanted to go back so badly, but I needed to stay away. Because every time I stuck my head into something, it always went wrong.

I lived like that for two whole weeks. Just killing myself slowly, because I was too stubborn to move on and too weak to return to Kyle.

Then I got the call. I was just staring blankly at my families small TV when my home phone shrilled loudly in the kitchen. Sluggishly I picked it up and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Kenny McCormick? This is Doctor Hudson. You need to get to the hospital _now. _Kyle just woke up, but... Just get here." He hung up as soon as the words started to register in my mind.

Kyle finally was awake again. A small smile stretched across my lips. I was going to see him, and I would apologize. I would make things right, and I would tell him how much I _fucking_ loved him.

Things were going to be alright again.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: H-Hey guys... (Dodges flying objects aimed towards my head) I'm so sorry that it took me so long! I... really have no excuse. :( Sorry...**

**Anyways, I want to say... THANK YOU ALL! :D I love you guys, I really do. :3 I never thought that I would get this many reviews, and I'm still not done with the story. I'm hoping to get to 50 reviews~! My 50th reviewer will get a South Park one-shot dedicated to them, with their choice of couple. :)**

**I also used a little bit of a song in this chapter. When I first came up with the idea of this story, I was listening to that song. The song is What I've Done by Linkin Park. If you've never heard it, GOOOO listen to it! :D I love Linkin Park~!**

**Anyways, as always, please review. :)**

* * *

Why is it that things are the way they are? What was the chance that I would be born to this small red-neck town? That I would see the things I do; feel that things that I feel? Does any of what I want or need matter in the end? Do _I_ matter?

Only at night did those kind of thoughts plague my mind. Those unanswered and unwanted questions that would throb painfully at the back of my mind. And the moment that I could not stand even one more thought, I would pick up the phone and call Kyle. Usually he just yelled at me for waking him up at two in the morning, but he never hung up. Neither did he ever ask why I called, or why my voice was so strained.

That's when I started to respect Kyle.

Respect is something rare for me. I've learned that it's so much easier to not trust people, because then it doesn't hurt as much when they leave you behind. But I thought it would be okay, because this was _Kyle_. Short, geeky Kyle. The one who would never leave you when you needed help, who always answered calls and didn't take shit from anyone.

When did respect turn to love?

* * *

Kyle was awake. It absolutely shocked me, to the point of being in a trance. I had gotten so used to the hopelessness that I had forgotten that their _was_ a chance for things to be alright.

Tears were streaming down my face as I ran towards my parents car. For once, the tears were of happiness, not pain. Jumping inside, I buckled in and then stared numbly out the window. Though everything inside me was pumping to drive to the hospital fucking _now_, I needed a moment.

Things were just out of control. That's the thought that was in my head at that second. It was insane how fast things could change. Just a while ago I was the whore of the school; the guy who was drunk and grinding at every party out there. Now... things were different. But in a good way, I think.

With that thought, I slammed in the keys that were dangling from the mirror and started the car up. As I backed out of the driveway I listened half-heatedly to the music flowing from the speakers.

_So let mercy come and wash away_

_What I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done..._

I smiled as I sang along to the familiar song. Things were going to change now. There was no more of the old Kenny I was, and no more of the one who only wallowed in misery. I was finally going to just be me.

Everything was going to change.

* * *

The hospital hallways didn't change at all from the many times I'd been there. White paint was still splattered across the walls, coating the place with a sterile feeling.

Last time I walked through those hallways, I had been feeling absolute agony. Now, only pure joy was thumping inside me. Kyle was awake. No matter how many times I say it, the shock never seemed to wear off. It was like an addicting drug, that never would never leave my body.

I was facing the door that Kyle was in, when I was hit by a problem. Juggling between the ideas of either throwing the door open and jumping onto Kyle or walking in smoothly were just too much for me to handle. The desire to see him again was bursting inside me, but he might still be pissed at me.

Biting on my thumb nail, I glanced wearily off to the side searching for anything to help me. It was at that moment that I noticed the doctor.

He was coming around the corner with an expression that was mixed with concern and annoyance. Trailing behind him was a screeching Stan, going on about something or other. For a moment, everything felt back to normal. Then I saw Cartman behind him.

I've... never seen him look that before. Cartman was an asshole, that was all that I had thought of him. A sadistic bastard with no heart, with no feelings for others.

I was wrong.

He looked absolutely distressed, leftover tear marks stained onto his face. It didn't look as if he was about to break down, but as if he had no clue what the hell was going on. Then he saw me.

"Khenny, oh meh God. Did you hear? K-Khyle..." His sentence cut off suddenly, as if he didn't have enough air to continue. Cartman only hiccuped as I gazed at him, refusing to talk.

The smile that had lingering on my face slowly started to fade as I turned towards Stan. He was staring at the floor, the wall, _everything_ except me.

My words came out slow and hushed, yet it was like lightning in the room. "What happened? Stan, tell me what happened."

His eyes slowly met mine, but no words left his mouth. Shaking his head Stan just swallowed as he held my gaze. "Ky-Kyle's... Well, he's..."

"SPIT IT OUT!" I couldn't take the stuttering; couldn't take not knowing what was happening. Not knowing whether Kyle was alive or dead. It was just too much.

"Kyle's messed up, okay! He doesn't-" The doctor intervened then, cutting off the rest of Stan's sentence. His worn face looked tiredly down at mine before speaking.

"Kenny, it might be best if you went and found out yourself. Kyle can take visitors now after all. We'll give you a moment with him." I only stared back up at him. Confusion was swirling inside me, almost bursting out of my body. Stan was saying one thing, but the doctor was saying another. It... just didn't make any sense.

The three of them left then, leaving me alone again in front of the door. Only minutes before I was so sure that things were looking better, and now... I wasn't sure of anything at all.

Gripping the handle, I swung the door open...

* * *

It was darker inside the room, the only source of light was the sunlight spilling out from the window. Machines beeped quietly and monitors flashed, filling the room with a metallic feeling. But none of that really mattered.

Kyle was awake.

Sunlight was falling on him, reddening his curls and stopping my breathe for a moment. He was just sitting there, staring out the window with a smile on his face, as if this were the best moment of his life. As if lost in a pure moment of bliss. I took a step back, ready to turn back and leave Kyle in that rare moment. But that small movement caused his green eyes to flicker towards me.

"Hey." The word whispered out of my lips before I could stop them. It seemed like a pretty stupid thing to say, especially after everything that had happened. Kyle didn't seemed to mind though, he only smiled at me in greeting.

Shuffling towards him, I plopped myself down in the chair by his bedside and waited for him to speak. I was preparing myself for anger, or maybe joy for once. Maybe Kyle would forgive me; listen to me, and we could try to talk things out. Try to figure out what would happen next. It was finally time for something new and _good_ to happen.

Kyle was staring back into my blue eyes, curiosity and innocence filling his. His small pink mouth moved, bringing out words that I never would have expected. Words that I could _never_ prepare myself for.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"


End file.
